Yard Sael

New Blog Location

2009-05-23T18:39:00.000-07:00

I've been intrigued by Wordpress lately, and finally figured out how to import my blog posts over there. I like the mobile posting capabilities that Wordpress offers which I can't figure out on Blogger. So for those of you who follow this site, please update the link to the following address:

http://fibonaccisequence.wordpress.com/

I'll still update that blog with the same sporadic (ir)regularity that you enjoyed on this blog. :)

Dekindling Flames

2009-05-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

Man, there's some stuff on my mind but I don't know how to convey it properly. I'd like people who are unaffiliated and unbiased towards this situation to know what I'm thinking about, but can't figure out how I can tell those people without telling people who I'd rather not know about it. I guess that's the downside to a public blog though, living with the assumption that everyone in the world is reading your blog (even though I know the truth is almost the exact opposite of that!).

Thinking, thinking...

Oh, hell with it. Throwing caution to the wind is fun sometimes.

So I was at this wedding this past weekend, and it was a really fun time. This dude I used to work with and still grab lunch with on occasion got married to this girl he started dating shortly after I started working at VRSN. It was pretty cool to see their relationship go from just starting out dating to married in the span of roughly three years, and listening to some of the stories he told me about his uncertainty about the relationship, or some of the more embarrassing stuff that happened (wife finding tranny porn in a "Nemo" folder on his desktop comes to mind most recently, very few of you will get that reference though). Through all of it, they made it work, and I don't think I've ever seen this guy look as sure that he was making the right decision as he looked when he was up at the altar and thereafter. So congrats to him.

But this post is going to be more narcissistic, unfortunately. A handful of my former coworkers were present at the event, and it was fun getting to chat with them and catch up, as well as see some of their kids or significant others that I had yet to meet. The concern came up when I was asked by one of my old coworkers if I was dating anyone. It's only relevant also because I had been seeing his friend for a while when I lived in California previously, and I wouldn't say it was a serious relationship. I can't recall if I've ever touched on it in this blog, and I don't think I need to go into detail, but let's just say that our get-togethers were exclusively private ones. When I left California, it was implied that things just sorta ended and I had been thinking about it ever since I came back, although not acting on anything, impulses or otherwise. So I didn't feel it was necessary to make my presence known to her directly. However, words travel on the wind with ease. So even despite my best efforts to stay incognito from this girl, my old coworkers obviously knew I was back and so the word spread. Surely she knows, how could she not? But it's not like I've been hearing from her either, so maybe the sun has set on that whole situation, or maybe she feels awkward contacting me after a year of no contact. Theories abound for sure, but it's not really my concern at this point.

At least until Saturday.

So said coworker decides to be the one asking if I'm seeing anyone. I actually did meet someone recently, but I wouldn't say we're dating at this point. So I didn't exactly lie by saying that I had met someone. His response: "Oh... so I guess... no Kimmy... ha... HAHA!..." It was of such an awkward nature that it deviated from even his usual strange social interactions. We both shared a sort of "ha ha" laugh about it and I figured that was gonna be the end of it. Later on in the night, after the dancing started and people were mingling around, he approached me and brought it up in a roundabout way again. What irked me a little about this was that he was sort of inquiring about my relationship with this girl even though he was closer friends with her and should be getting his information from her, not me. I wasn't exactly going around bragging about my relationship, I downplayed it a LOT. I know that might seem disrespectful to the girl (bragging would be equally disrespectful, if not more), but I tried my very best to establish explicit parameters of this relationship with her at the very beginning. If he doesn't know what kind of relationship we had by now, he's probably alone there and just being ignorant. But he's not getting any info out of me. He also made some comment about "if I wasn't seeing someone already" during the night, which seemed more in jest than anything, so I didn't think much of it at the time, but whether or not I'm seeing someone is irrelevant to the fact that I don't want to pursue a further relationship with this other girl.

This is the point where I might REALLY regret writing this. Because even though I feel like the rules were put in place at the beginning, people change and their feelings change, and it's not right to just assume that she feels the same way now as she said she did then. My feelings, for the record, are unchanged. Times haven't really changed as they relate to this situation. It has absolutely crossed my mind, several times, to contact her and maybe see how it plays out. But in my mind, I already know how it will play out. I've had a year to think about it, and in that time, my only conclusion was that it was destructive for me, and she probably wasn't that happy with the status of the relationship either. So to go back to her would only give her false hope (OK, I KNOW that makes me sound like a self-aggrandizing douchebag, bear with me though) and would make me discontent because I believe I could meet someone who I feel a stronger connection with and have a deeper relationship. Even though some dudes would do it just for the action, that's not really my thing. Maybe back in college, but not anymore. The whole wedding scene reinforced that philosophy in a subtle way. Not that I'm ready to marry, but I'm definitely ready to meet someone I COULD marry. Or at least have a relationship with depth, one that proves I'm at the point in life where I want to have someone that close to me for the long term, which would lead to the notion that I am ready for marriage. It's been a long time since I've been known colloquially to friends and family to be in a serious relationship, as it's really just been a series of flings (of varying length and intensity) to this point since high school. I think it's gotten to the point where my friends and family are sort of pulling for me, because they feel like I deserve something with more substance. I agree with them, but it's never really been a priority to date someone seriously for a long amount of time. I guess the times are changing after all.

Like I said though, I was serious about having met someone recently. Hopefully I'll have more to say about that soon. :)

Not Satisfied

2009-05-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

They say to eat good, yo, you gotta swallow your pride
But dead that game plan, I'm not satisfied.
~ J-Live "Satisfied"

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about "slumming it" recently that I felt applied directly to my current situation. To elaborate, "slumming it" is a phrase coined by his friend to describe "how insanely overqualified we were to perform the specific tasks we've been hired to do." After reading this yesterday, I was walking around Safeway thinking about how it pertained to my own life. Sometime in between picking out some bananas and a fresh mango for dinner (it only sounds grim, folks) and getting hit on by some guy in the shampoo aisle, I realized that I have a very valuable asset to offer employers: unwavering confidence in my ability to perform any task asked of me.

To that effect, I reached an inference that if I can do anything I am asked to do, that immediately makes it simple and over-qualifies me for that job. In the real world, this is not true, and I know this and employers know this. That's why they list a bunch of other requirements (x years of related work experience, proficiency in specific technical skills, etc.) in order to sort of validate their selection of a candidate for a job. I would propose that not everyone is as capable of adapting to their work environment as I am, but that would be kind of bold to say. Still, finding a rewarding job, in this economy especially, without possessing several of the requirements that employers ask for makes finding something that would both challenge me and hold my interest very difficult. Even the job I spent over three weeks interviewing for (and ultimately being passed over for another candidate) felt like it would be a challenge to learn the ropes at first, and the stress of constant deadlines would always exist, but after mastering the tasks and establishing a way to manage deadlines, I would fall back into that mindset that I was doing a job that was beneath me. Of course, we'll never know for sure now since I didn't get it, but personal speculation is part of the reason I blog.

Every job I've held to this point has felt like something any idiot could do. I feel like everything I've done so far that would improve my opportunities has been for naught. Obviously, the jobs I had in high school and college were just for the purpose of gaining experience. But for example, when working at my last job in California, someone was hired to perform the same job functions as me. She was a recent high school graduate. So naturally, this implied that even a high school kid could do this job. And it was true -- I'm pretty sure a well-trained monkey could've done my job, except for the phone calls. The challenge was gone after learning the process within a week. And I ended up working there for two years, mostly for the nice paycheck. I always joked around with other friends of mine that I was being grossly overpaid for the amount of work I had to do. I'd never bring it up to management of course, but that kind of job is so destructive because you can get stuck into a rut where you're just content to be bringing home a nice chunk of change without the satisfaction of accomplishing something worthwhile at your job, or feeling like you're an indispensable part of a team, where the results would suffer if you were absent or not performing up to par. That's ultimately what drove me to leave. For the most part, I worked with a bunch of great people. They are the reason I stuck with it as long as I did, not the money. What compounds the problem is that the opportunities to advance seemed extremely limited due to several peripheral factors, not the least of which was rampant corruption and nepotism throughout the middle management ranks in my business unit, as well as enduring a revolving door of managers.

A different friend of mine once told me I was crazy to leave that job, making that much money, when she works two jobs and makes about half of what I made. In honesty, it was more a show of pride than anything else. I left that job for my own self-respect. That job was below me, and I knew it only a few weeks in. That is not intended as a slight at all against my old coworkers whatsoever. The job just didn't hold my interest enough to force me to work as hard as I know I am capable of working. At the time though, I was young(er), new to the area, and unemployed, so I took what I could get. These days, money isn't what motivates me. Yea, it's nice to have enough money to buy the things you need and maybe a little more for the few things you want. But it's not satisfying to have a bunch of nice things if you don't feel like you did something worthy of earning those things. I'm pretty sure I've touched on this before, but my ideal job will challenge me every day, but still be enjoyable. For example, sales would be a challenging position for me, but I don't get my kicks from peddling wares to strangers without regard for whether or not they actually need whatever it is I'm selling, so that's out.

To summarize, I don't want a job where I am essentially taught how to do a trick and then commanded to go perform it over and over. That might work for some people, but not for me. This is where my pride gets in the way. But with the economy in the dump and the increased cost of living in the bay area, the need for stable income has approached and passed the need to remain proud. I'm not saying settling for a job at the local Mickey D's is the answer. But I understand that I may have to scale back my expectations for my next job, swallow my pride, and take whatever I can get. I'm not beholden to anyone, and there's no job out there that is going to force me to stay longer than I want to stay. I can live without challenge or job satisfaction for a while but it still has to be building towards something. Experience is clearly what I'm lacking right now, not ambition. Whatever I end up doing for work has to prove to be useful for future employment ventures. My pride can only dip so far before it plateaus.

Man, I was on a roll earlier, bangin this post out, but I kind of lost steam. So I guess that's it for now. Stay tuned for job-related updates soon, hopefully.

Falsely Altruistic

2009-05-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

One thing Kiwi was right about -- the rolling hills east of San Jose/Milpitas are breathtaking. There's a fantastic view when driving either way on 880 or coming south (which is east, technically) on 280. I could probably look at it all day, especially on a day like today with cloud cover threatening to rain but patches of blue sky and the sunlight illuminating the hills.

Job status in limbo since my 4/23 interview-a-thon, with not much communication from the recruiter, or anyone else for that matter. Hard to infer if this is good or bad news for me. Just as well, making inferences is rarely a wise thing to do.

Can't believe I've been jobless for six months now. Can't believe I've been living out of my car and traveling around like a tonic peddler for a month now. I am thankful to have such gracious friends who have offered their couches for me on many of the past nights, and owe them my eternal gratitude (as well as a free dinner or something eventually, I imagine). I am acutely conscious of my own presence being a disruption to these friends' lives though. Not in a directly negative way, but more like turbulence on an airplane flight. Their insistence that my free use of their homes is no inconvenience falls deaf on my ears. It is impossible for me to accept that I am not burdening them at least slightly, because even if I'm not causing problems or anything, I may be preventing them from adhering to their typical lifestyle agendas (hey, some people like walking around their house naked, as an example) and that will never sit well with me. So I recognize these peoples' overabundance of hospitality, certainly, but I also recognize the impact I have on their day to day lives, and as the old "Do unto others" saying goes, I wouldn't want someone invading my home indefinitely. This is independent of the fact that I would completely be willing to offer the same accommodations if any of my friends were in my position. If people really wanted extra people living with them, they would advertise it and make them pay rent. Very few people are altruistic enough to say "sure, take up some of my personal space without offering some kind of trade value." Maybe in other parts of the world, but not here in America. Especially not in a place like the Bay Area where housing is at a premium and there is always a surplus of people looking to rent.

Or maybe this philosophy is just a result of my inability to graciously accept another person's help when it is offered, not asked for. That's equally likely (if not more so). A friend of mine told me that it was critically important that I was at least cognizant of my burden on these people, and did not risk crossing the line from graciously accepting someone's hospitality to overstaying my welcome. Many people don't recognize that distinction, but many people aren't as insanely aware of their own existence as well as how that existence affects the people around them as me. -_-

I do understand that I'm blessed to even have such great friends, if I haven't mentioned that already. I might have, it's been a while since I wrote here.

Oh, and I finished "Angels and Demons" in what might be record time for me. A good read, I was captivated throughout most of the book -- which explains why I finished it so fast -- but it was a little predictable after reading "The Da Vinci Code." Not sure what my next book is, Kara gave me a book to read that is similar in theme to "The Da Vinci Code" but by a different author. I like Dan Brown enough that I might give "Deception Point" a try as well. I was dismayed when I went to Borders the other day in search of a new novel and the lady working there told me the two Dan Brown books I'd read were his only two until his new one is released in a month or so. If I was being paid minimum wage to work in a bookstore though, I probably wouldn't be all that thorough with my background knowledge either.

I'm still definitely looking forward to the theatrical release in 10 days, predictability notwithstanding. :)

Back to roommate searching now! And maybe dinner if I'm lenient with myself.

The saga continues

2009-04-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

So in my last post, I mentioned something about a three hour interview session with four people at the company I'm applying for work with. That interview went so well that they invited me back for another round of interviews, this time SEVEN interviews stuffed into four hours. That happens in about 2 hours. I'm less nervous about actually interviewing this time around, but concerned with my ability to focus for long stretches.

The stars seem to be in my favor though. My horoscope reads:

What's gotten into you today? You're normally so cool-headed and even detached! But now you're utterly impassioned, in the grips of a relationship or a cause that means a lot to you. What fun! Doesn't it feel good to get so wrapped up in something important? And your conviction will definitely carry over to other people. It's easy to convince someone of something when you feel so strongly about it, yourself.

This interview process has been the most challenging I've faced for any job, but I get the impression that this job is one that is more career-oriented than any position I've held in the past. That was my goal when I left Oregon, to stop meandering through life so aimlessly and start doing something that gave meaning to my life. That's not to say this job is going to become my entire life -- I won't allow it. But logic dictates that the payoff of an endeavor, not just monetarily, is a direct result of the amount of effort required to complete said endeavor. Just getting the job is the first step in that endeavor, and what I'm being told is that this job is essentially mine to lose. I talked to my mom about this for an hour on Tuesday, and she said one thing that really stuck with me: "They already like you, remember that." She's correct, they wouldn't have bothered with completing the background check or inviting me back for more interviews if they thought I wouldn't be a good fit for the position or the company. So today is all about turning the swagger on and removing any doubt.

I guess I'd write more but I didn't wake up at 530a with the intent of blogging. Something tells me I'll have something more interesting to talk about either this afternoon or later this week. ;)

California dreamin'

2009-04-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't written much of substance in the past couple weeks. Part of that has been my deference to Twitter for the purpose of getting out my short thoughts as they come up (I can easily do this from my iPhone -- oh for the love of technology!). Another part has been shuffling around constantly from town to town, and spending whatever time I had to myself focusing on how I could attain employment, and then a place to live, and then the rest of the puzzle pieces in my life that I have yet to figure out how to place correctly. Leaves very little time for blogging. But there's good news abound these days, so I can slow down with the productivity and share my thoughts for once.

In the time since my last blog entry, I had another phone interview, as well as a three hour long face to face interview, all for the same position. I am not a fan of verbal melee, I feel like I can't speak for extended periods of time without getting distracted or losing focus. I don't enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice, I like listening to the sound of other people's voices. Not to mention, I was sitting in the same room for three hours, enough to make anyone feel like an admitted insane asylum citizen. But the end result is they liked me, overall. So it seems I've taken care of the employment problem in just two weeks in California (something I couldn't do in five months in Oregon, albeit for several different reasons). I am waiting for some technicalities to be taken care of before I start working, but I think the interviews are over. Thankfully so, I'd rather not do that again for a while.

The biggest dilemma I'm facing these days is where I'd like to live. It seems like the salary will allow me to live in a place at least as nice as the loft I lived in near downtown San Jose. I'm actually considering that as one of my options. Problem is, San Mateo is much further north than Mountain View, so the commute would be that much longer. I would actually prefer the Caltrain commute to work, instead of driving. Driving to Mountain View was painful enough, and when I went in for my 830a interview, 101 was clogged up in both directions. This led me to believe that living in San Francisco or San Jose (or anywhere in between) would consist of a headache of a commute. Living in San Mateo is also out, I'm not big on suburban residency. So if it comes down to living in San Jose or San Francisco, what is my choice? There's pros and cons to both. San Jose: cheaper and more sun. San Francisco: cooler and more stuff to do for fun. They are only separated by about 45 miles. I wish I was a better decision maker on this kind of stuff, but I think this is a problem many people wouldn't mind having, relatively speaking.

Other things I've been doing lately to fill hours: Reading. A friend of mine gave me a book called "Men With Balls" about the satirical life of professional athletes. Ranges from offensive to hilarious but overall a pretty entertaining read. Not really thought-provoking, but "Angels and Demons" is next on my list before the movie comes out May 15th. Interestingly enough, I did the same thing with "The Da Vinci Code" prior to that theatrical release and I both landed a job and a girlfriend in the short time it took me to read the novel. I wouldn't mind a repeat of that scenario. Why else would I spend so much time at the Mt. View library? (besides the free internet, of course)

I went to see "Duplicity" at the theaters on Easter Sunday. I went by myself, which was a weird experience but I was comfortable with it. The movie was less than I was expecting, mediocre reviews notwithstanding (I don't see movies based on reviews, and do not deviate from this philosophy), but Julia Roberts still captures my heart every time. Clive Owen looks, acts, talks, and all-around exudes douchebag whenever he's on screen, so that brought the movie down for me. I liked the ending though, not what I was expecting. Yay for that.

I also went running again the morning of my interview (waking up at 530a for that) and felt much better than I anticipated I would since I haven't ran in so long. My legs are kinda sore now but I'm glad I can still do a couple miles without doubling over in pain or out of breath. No short-term marathon plans so I think I'll be alright. That would be a nice plus in determining my next home, to be near a place where I can run.

I feel like I had a zillion more things to write, but I probably tweeted about them or just forgot. So that's all I have for now. Maybe I'll try to say more once I get moved in. Shouldn't be too long now. :)

Popularity Contest

2009-04-08T13:06:00.001-07:00

Apparently if you google "Yard Sael", my blog is the second entry in the list. This is ok with me because if you google my real name, nothing comes up at all for me other than my Twitter page, and I took steps to fix that. But going back to this blog's namesake, which if I haven't explained already, was borne out of my fascination with the signage posted by some member of the proletariat (or maybe someone with dyslexia). Apparently, this is not as unique as I first thought.

Ok, that last one is the picture I took. But still, it's not exactly a tricky word to spell and yet the misspelling delights me to no end.

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I've only been here six days and already interviewed for a job. Feeling somewhat nervous about it, and was especially nervous on the phone but I hope it didn't come across that way on the other end. The person said I'd have another chance to speak with another person who works at the company soon, so at least it's not an outright rejection. I'm a little superstitious though and I feel like the more I talk about these things before they actually happen, the higher likelihood of me not getting the job. So I'm gonna pipe down now.

So what have I been doing in my abundance of free time here? Mostly looking for work/housing and wasting the daytime hours at coffee shops, libraries, or other places with free wifi that don't mind me spending hours at a time doing work. I <3 Mountain View for the free internet, can't emphasize that strongly enough.

Of course, the downside to public locations is that I have to endure people falling asleep at their laptops and proceeding to snore loudly. Thankfully, I've got headphones but still... damn.

EDIT: I started writing this on Wednesday, but had a second interview for the job today. This one went a lot better for the most part, and it seems like I'm in line to meet with the people face to face for an extended set of MORE interviews (yay?) sometime soon. The stress is aging me horribly, but the prospect of being gainfully employed again should be a rewarding payoff. After that, things will calm down considerably and my biggest worry will be what to do for dinner. That's a problem I'm plenty happy to have. :)

Not missing a beat

2009-04-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hanging out in Mountain View at Clocktower, leeching free wifi while I look for apartments. The place I had planned on moving into fell through, but fortunately, it seems the desire for roommates is pretty high these days. I've started a list (I don't like lists, fundamentally, but it seems like a good idea in this case) of all the places I received responses from that weren't absurd. Absurd covers everything from moving into a house with a couple and their infant to places that rent for around $700 when I set a pretty clear cap at $500 until I find work. The location is important to me but not as much as following the price guidelines and having roommates who aren't insane.

I had lunch at La Bamba with my old coworker today, and it was every bit as good as I remember. That seems to be the theme of the day though, because I felt like once I arrived back in Mountain View that it was as if I never left. The only difference is that I'm not working at Verisign (a half mile down the road from where I'm sitting). I remembered my way around town just fine. After all, it's only been 11 months. Feels like it was 11 years though. On the more surreal front, when I walked into Clocktower, the lady who runs this place REMEMBERED me. My tattoo likely gave me away, but wow, talk about a steel trap memory.

The drive was mostly ok, pretty boring and I started falling asleep around Redding, which happened last time I drove down here. I guess my range is about 450 miles before I need a break. All in all, about 700 miles traveled yesterday. What was amazing was that the clouds dissipated into sunshine almost on cue as I crossed into California. By the time I reached Redding, it was blazing hot and I needed to take my coat off. That wouldn't happen in Oregon for another couple months. On the plus side, I didn't get pulled over for having expired tags. I have to remember how to drive down here again though, going 75 in the fast lane just doesn't cut it around these parts.

Still toting all my crap around in my car, which is both convenient and annoying. I'm hoping to see a few places around here today and maybe make a decision so as to avoid a trip back to Mill Valley but I might have to wait until the weekend if I'm unlucky. Not much else to say other than I'm sick of driving for a while, but emboldened by the sunshine and the fact that I'm back where I belong. Which means I'm happy. I kinda hope the honeymoon feeling lasts a while, I could use a win in my life right now.

Work to do still, of course, but at least the boring part is finished.

Exhausted

2009-04-01T01:21:00.001-07:00

Mentally and physically. But I'm moved out. Now to catch what little sleep I can before the long drive to Cali, waking up at 5, hitting the road by about 615a. Hoping to arrive in the late afternoon/early evening.

I'll probably write more once I get down there. I feel like I'm missing so much stuff now, but it makes me realize how materialistic even I am, and I didn't think I owned all that much stuff!

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Also, I managed to squeeze time in today to take some white roses to the cemetery. It's sad, naturally, but I'm happy in the aftermath that I made time to go. It was important to me.

Dad (Jim) up top, Nana (Marj) on the bottom. Miss both of them immensely.

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Remember to follow my progress on Twitter!

Revisiting the list

2009-03-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

A week ago, I outlined some things I wanted to get accomplished before I take off.

10 things I need to do in the next week:

1. ~~Get a replacement debit card.~~ Came in the mail Saturday.
2. ~~Find an apartment in SJ.~~ See previous post.
3. ~~Divide and conquer the ungodly amount of stuff I have in my apt, as far as what comes with me and what gets sold/put in storage.~~ Still moving a few things, this is mostly done though.
4. ~~Get on a NORMAL sleep schedule.~~ Went to bed at 100a, woke up at 730a today. I think that counts...
5. Re-establish a routine. I'll leave this open for now, it'll likely be easier to do this once I'm down in Cali.
6. Continue the job search. I've continued, with no immediate luck. So I am continuing to continue. :P
7. ~~Say my farewells to people.~~ Everyone knows I'm leaving by now, and I've managed to hang out with a lot of people in the past week, with some still to see before Wednesday.
8. ~~Get my relationship with my parents righted so that I know I am leaving with their support (this may be difficult).~~ This relationship is not perfect, of course, but I've done enough triage on it to not feel guilty leaving with a rift between my parents and me.
9. ~~New brakes for car.~~ Appointment scheduled for 3/31, this counts as finished.
10. ~~Submit CA vehicle registration before March 28th.~~ This is done, so my car is technically registered. Whether or not I receive my tags before Wednesday is another story. I'd rather not get pulled over on April 1st for expired tags and have to explain to the police that I'm actually registered but because my moving date overlaps the potential time it takes to mail new tags to me, the expired tags still show. This is probably my own damn fault.

EDIT: I found my UO Alumni license plate frame that I received from graduating, and to my delight, it covers up the tags rather nicely. Hopefully I just don't run into any cops in bad moods now....

80%? I'm happy with that.

Craigslist is still good for something after all

2009-03-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, I posted an ad in the "rooms wanted" section of sfbay.craigslist.org and was pleased to see that I received several legitimate responses in a matter of hours. So the obstacle of finding a place to live has been conquered. The place I'm going to be living in is in west San Jose, almost on the border of Santa Clara and close to both Santa Clara University and the airport (I liked being close to the airport before, made travel arrangements very simple). I'll have roommates, which has been a mixed bag in the past but I have optimistic feelings about this. My two roommates -- one male, one female, and not romantic partners AFAIK -- are both college students and work part-time. The rent is a steal at $425 + utils, considering the location. And as for the quality of the apartment, it can't be much worse than my place in Beaverton, a veritable shithole.

So I'm happy to have that task crossed off my list. I still plan on staying with a friend my first night in California, as the drive will be long enough to Mill Valley, let alone the extra hour+ from there to the south bay area. But it's affirming to know I'm getting things taken care of.

Straight out of the Department of Irony today, I was offered the same job opportunity not once but twice within 15 minutes by two different recruiters. The job would've been at Nike again, which would've been great... IF I RECEIVED THIS OFFER THREE MONTHS AGO. The unusually high pay rate notwithstanding, I set the wheels in motion for this move long ago and there's just no way to halt it at this point. Not that I'd want to anyway. But let's just say I would make more money at this contract job (a guaranteed 1 year contract) than I did as a permanent employee at Verisign. I think that speaks volumes about what a bunch of cheapskates Verisign managers are. I'll shut up now.

Finished my taxes this morning, and found that I'm due for a nice refund from both the fed and California, although somehow I OWE money to Oregon. This, despite only earning about 40% as much money in this state as I did through May working in Cali. Another reason Oregon sucks, add it to the list.

Brakes can't be fixed until tomorrow, they need to order parts or something, so I've got a 9am appointment to get that taken care of. Someone claimed my free bookshelf from Craigslist so that's gone, just need to find a taker for the bed and finish moving kitchen equipment over to NE Portland, then clean the place and I'm all finished. I'm feeling quite accomplished, I've done more productive things in the past week than I did in the five previous months. That's shameful to dwell on, but if you focus on the future and not the past like I try to do, it's a positive sign that I'm moving in the right direction.

I'm a little sad that I won't be able to make it to the Blazer game tomorrow night. I'm doing the right thing and having dinner with my family instead. I had planned on last Saturday's game being my last home game anyway, so I have no serious qualms about it.

Things left on the social agenda:
- Dinner with John tonight
- Five Guys with Christy tomorrow afternoon
- Hopefully meeting up with Eric and grabbing a beer or something, tonight or tomorrow.

The countdown is down to 41.5 hours...

Right Now...

2009-03-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

...listening to Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape", eating chocolate chip cookies from Safeway and drinking lemonade, perusing some personal ads without serious intent, keeping an eye on my email for responses about my remaining furniture or housing opportunities in the bay area, laying on my living room floor because my desk and all other furniture has been moved already. I'm feeling strangely happy in this simplistic state though, I have everything I need (although laying on my stomach typing can't be that good for my back in the long run). This leads me to believe I'll be just fine in California without the majority of crap I had piled up in my apartment. Tomorrow is the last major day of moving stuff, Tuesday will be a cleaning day, and Wednesday is when I take off. You can follow my progress down I-5 (if you care enough, or have an abundance of free time to do so) on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/FiboSequence.

Contemplating making a playlist for the drive or just setting the iPod on random play and see what happens. Still need to make a trip to the cemetery (probably Tuesday), do my taxes (probably Monday), and get my effin' brakes fixed (definitely Monday). With an anticipated departure time of 7am Wednesday morning, this leaves me with roughly 55 hours to accomplish what still amounts to a mountain of minor tasks.

But I got this!

P.S. I had brunch at the Original Pancake House with Arian and Erin today, and who walks in as I'm finishing up my meal but Portland Trail Blazer guard JERRYD EFFIN' BAYLESS. With a sharp suit and some diamond stud earrings that, if sold at retail cost, could probably feed a third world country for a year.

I guess I should get some sleep. Going back to one of my goals I set a week or two ago, I've managed to get back on a somewhat normal sleep schedule (asleep by midnight or 1am, awake no later than 9am). So I'm slowly knocking my goals out one by one, this is promising.

A Glitch In The Armor

2009-03-27T19:10:00.001-07:00

Still doing well, for the most part. I spent an hour or so at Borders today and picked up Justice's album for 40% off, then tried Five Guys burgers for the first time. That place is legit, the food is tasty and the price is not terribly overpriced considering how filled up I was by the time I left. A clear second place winner of burger joints behind the Almighty King, In-N-Out. I might have to Yelp about it.

Arrived home and received a call from my mom. For some reason, this happens with great regularity: Things will be fantastic between us for the day or two grace period after she returns from a vacation, but then it's back to business as usual. For her, that means burying me in grief and worry when I'd rather not hear it. It's hard to tell your own mother these things sometimes, especially when doing so results in her becoming defensive and spinning it like I'm doing something wrong for telling her, then hearing how I never communicate my feelings when I don't object. That is two-faced to me and it's completely unfair for me to have to endure that when I have enough stress as it is. That's something I absolutely will not miss in a week's time.

I also thought it was extremely unfair of her to offer a birthday gift to someone when the gift is actually my services to that person. Even asking me if that was acceptable as a gift was offensive; it is a cop-out, a lazy, non-creative excuse for a gift and completely absurd to expect me to comply (paid or not) because it is tantamount to indentured servitude. My parents' "gracious" offer of a gift affects them in no way (other than possibly monetarily, which is inconsequential for them), and yet it creates "four hours" (that was the offer) of unnecessary work and stress in my life that no amount of money will compensate for. For those of you who would like to side with my parents on this one, I would like to point out that I've already made it explicitly clear to them that I have no desire to form any sort of business relationship with anyone in my family, and this request is in direct defiance of that stated position. And that, my friends, is no different than ignoring my wishes and as someone who repeatedly says that they only have my best interests at heart, it comes across as untruthful and disregarding of my feelings. That is all I have to say about that.

How do you even explain in clear terms to someone that they need to stop concerning themselves with your own personal life? I'm all for hearing advice and accepting help when it is offered in an altruistic fashion, but I am not to be indebted to anyone and offering help while expecting something back is in fact NOT helpful to me in any way.

Ugh, so my mood took a small hit after that. But never fear, my departure begins in five days and that will keep my spirits buoyed for the foreseeable future. :)

Life All A-Twitter

2009-03-27T00:03:00.000-07:00

I finally gave in and made a Twitter account. There's nothing of real importance on there currently, nor do I doubt there ever will be, but I guess it will be fun to "tweet" (that's the official term, I believe) my progress as I motor south in about a week. So wherever I stop for gas/food/etc., that's where I'll try to update my status. I suppose I could've just done the same thing on Facebook, but not everyone has the privilege of being my Facebook friend. :P I'm not pretentious, I swear...

This could prove difficult though, cell reception is kinda sketchy most of the way from Eugene all the way to Sacramento, with some exceptions like Medford and Redding. So I'll do my best anyway. Maybe it'll be exciting to follow, maybe it'll be about as fun as watching fruit mold. I'll leave that call up to the readers, all I do is provide entertainment. I make hits, that's what I do.

Tonight's game was a blast, Blazers clobbered the Suns by about 20, and Rudy had a sweet game off the bench with 23. Him, BRoy and LMA combined for 78 points tonight, that's a pretty unstoppable trio if they can get going like that on a nightly basis. I have to admit, my biggest addiction now is following the Western Conference standings. Every day, a team wins or loses and their position in the standings shifts. The Blazers were the 7th seed at 7pm today, now they're the 6th seed. With some luck and a few more wins, they could easily finish as high as 2nd or 3rd (they're not catching the Lakers, it pains me to say). They have one more home game I will definitely make it to (Saturday vs. Memphis) then against Utah on the 31st. I may or may not be able to make that game. I'm targeting April 1 as my farewell date, but it's possible I may leave the 31st instead. I'm also going to miss remaining home games against the Lakers (!!!), Oklahoma City, and Denver (which could determine who wins the Northwest Division). Every game from now on feels like playoff atmosphere, it's so much fun to actually be there instead of watching on TV. Fortunately, playoff games are all televised so I'll be able to follow them once I'm back in Cali.

More things to do before I leave:
- Take fresh flowers to Dad/Nana
- Finish change of address stuff
- Do my taxes (better now than when I'm shuffling around trying to find work/living arrangements)

I've been on an absolute emotional high the past 48 hours, and the weather seems to be coinciding with my mood as a sort of desperate plea for me to stay. Falling on deaf ears though, obviously. I've spent time with so many different people the last couple days, had really great times too. Those people are why I loved being here, but there's too much other stuff working against me to stay. I've been walking around grinning like an idiot all day today, and even feel like my relationship with my parents is coming around primarily because my high spirits seem to be contagious with everyone I run into. And if I'm having a positive impact on someone's day, that makes me even happier. I think in computer science terms, they call it an "infinite loop". This is the kind of high I've been waiting for, for months. Things haven't changed on the surface yet, but the feeling that they won't change has vanished and all I'm left with is an overabundance of self-confidence and optimism. It's hard to find fault with anything right now.

Also, I discovered the name of this song that I've heard about 23462346239 times in the past year or two and it's one of those poppy, smile-inducing songs that I enjoy listening to when I'm in a great mood like I am now. "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani feat. Akon (Check it on Youtube). Akon's part is pretty much the voice in my head these days, completely worry-free. So naturally, I'll need to buy this song from iTunes once my replacement debit card arrives. I think I'll cue up that song at the first sight of the California sun. :)

Addendum

2009-03-25T18:24:00.001-07:00

A conversation I had with my old coworker who used to play WoW as well

Elliott: I'm giving up wow
Ken: yeah, it's time
Elliott: it's too much work to keep up and I have other stuff to take care of
I sent KeWong a funny email I received, he's gonna forward it to you guys
Ken: that was eventually my reason too
Elliott: are you happier not playing it?
I mean obviously you are cause of Evan
Ken: eh
Elliott: but like do you feel like you're making better use of your time overall?
Ken: well, if a perfect life = 100% of your time spent doing work
im getting closer
but personally, thank god im not there
i need my free time
as for wow, i still miss my biggest passion, competitive pvp
but, all in all i am glad i gave it up
it was exhausting
wow is a treadmill dude
Elliott: omg, they ask you all these Q's why you're quitting
one of the options is "Will of the Forsaken nerf"
what the hell
Ken: wotf finally got nerfed?
yeah, wow is a treadmill im glad i got off of
in pvp, to be competitive you need the best pvp gear
Elliott: damn, I still have until June 28 to play
cause of the amount I paid ahead of time
Ken: actually some classes need the best pve gear
Elliott: lame
Ken: i put in tons of effort just to stay on par gearwise
and just when you think you can slow your pace, they come out with new gear
Elliott: yea even the time factor aside, I don't like that my elemental shaman with all the best gear can't keep up with other classes in raid dps
Ken: of course not, shaman are the red-headed step child of wow
Elliott: maybe that's a skill thing
I <3 my shaman
definitely my favorite class to play
maybe paladin
Ken: shaman are fun, but the devs believe they should be sub par to other classes
Elliott: paladin is more versatile only because of the tanking factor I think
Ken: i loved my shaman too, and wanted so bad to be the best i could be
but when the code is against you, there is not much you can do
Elliott: yup
anyway, I have more important things to look forward to, like moving and getting a new job
I'll find a new vice sometime probably
Ken: yeah
i know, its tough to give up something so much a part of your daily schedule
Elliott: yup, and the way I'm doing it is keeping my gaming comp boxed up
I am on my laptop, which I uninstalled WoW on a while ago
it can't run decently on here anyway
Ken: my trick to quitting was not of my own power, but anyway it was just being forced to have like at most 2 hours to play wow each night
that effectively stopped me playing altogether however
Elliott: yea
Ken: since i am not satisfied with just 2 hours
i imagine you are the same
find other major things to do, so you can only play an hour a day
and youll find you won't want to play at all anyway
so when you coming down anyway?
Elliott: yea, I was having fun with raiding and achievements but it's all so meaningless in the end
about a week
lease ends, no other choice but to pack up and go
Ken: ah well, its meaning is all in the fun
Elliott: true
Ken: wow has a funny way of making us expect a payback in the end
there is no payback, there is only the moment
enjoy the moment, and don't regret it
Elliott: I need something with payback though
Ken: well, then its time for change

Hurts so good

2009-03-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

I canceled my World of Warcraft account today, with mixed emotions. It will mostly be for the better, but I've met some really great people in the almost three years I played and it will be hard to leave them behind more than the game itself. After all, I nearly quit playing only a few weeks after starting before learning that my coworker played, then meeting my own friends along the way. That was enough to keep me playing, more than any content within the game itself.

But as I may have stated recently, I've been having increasing quantity of "what am I doing with my life" moments lately and I ultimately decided that moving on to other things (for better or worse) is crucial to my personal growth and maturation. Not saying video games are not to be enjoyed by anyone older than 25, but playing a game that seemingly requires a great investment of time (since there is no definitive "beating the game", as there was with older games from my generation) has forced me to think about why I would want to keep playing if it's an endless cycle of new content and new challenges. For some, that's enough to keep playing until the developers cease supporting the game. For me, it's hard to pinpoint why exactly I enjoy something or where the line separating enjoy and detest is. I like routine, but hate repetition. Does that make sense? I like things to be routinely different. I guess I need to be stimulated in constantly different ways, and even though this game held my attention for the better part of three years, like everything else, it seems to have reached the end of the line in terms of piquing my interest.

So what am I interested in now? I'm interested in being employed, being happy, dating someone wonderful, living in the place I love most, and if there's still time left over, hopefully finding a new hobby. Maybe try playing guitar again? Re-learn Spanish? Learn another language?? Resume my love for reading that I had avidly discovered in between moving to California the first time and meeting Kiwi? In a strange way, quitting WoW is like the final closure from that ill-fated relationship. Before I met her, I saw an ad for "The Da Vinci Code" at the Sony store at Valley Fair, then went to Borders to pick up a copy of the book to read before the movie came out. I finished the book in roughly a week, huddling up in a chair at Starbucks and knocking out 80 or 100 pages at a time. Of course, this was still during my unemployed time before Verisign. And look now, unemployed once more, but not without an abundance of confidence and a renewed sense of direction for the future. And I'm headed back to California in roughly a week to boot. This just feels right to me. :)

I had a highly productive day today in addition to the escape from Warcraft. I opened a large stack of mail that included a wedding invitation for my old coworker in the bay area (yay!), I paid my car insurance and DMV renewal bills, I went to the bank to handle a few discrepancies, and even managed to buy myself a little wiggle room in terms of finances which will be helpful for the moving process. I canceled my Comcast, still need to do electricity and change my cell phone mailing address, as well as do the Post Office forwarding thing. I even applied for a great job I found on Craigslist (time will tell if it's a scam or not!) and this was ALL before 2pm. There were days in the past few weeks when I was not awake before 2pm! So a productive day already, and there are still several hours left. I had contemplated finishing my taxes but eventually got wrapped up listening to some old music I have on my laptop (that's right, not even unpacking my boxed-up gaming computer -- resist the temptation) and catching up on the news via good ol' Google. I still have my Facebook vice (who doesn't these days though) and despite being muy pobre, still made my jaunt to Starbucks for coffee. This time it felt more like a reward for my productivity as opposed to part of my daily schedule. I'm off to have dinner with a couple friends now before calling my cousin to harass him to fix my sink that he half-fixed two or three weeks ago.

More on Aquarius

2009-03-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

I found this brilliant link about the relationship between Aquarians and Capricorns:

Aquarius & Capricorn Compatibility

If you're interested in a deeper understanding of the kind of conflicts I'm encountering with my parents -- which is a major source of stress in my life -- then reading this article may give you some insight. Ignore the sexual references, it still applies in a more practical sense to everything.

The stars are watching us

2009-03-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

I had the strangest dream last night that someone had the same exact tattoo as I have except it was on their upper right bicep instead of left hand/forearm. I believe the person was a UPS or FedEx delivery man. That's all I remember, but I woke up with a discontented feeling because even though I primarily chose that image for it's underlying meaning (envision the same reason many religious people get tattoos of the cross on their back or etc.), I also thought it was pretty unique given it's style and location. I thought it was really exciting and cool when I first got it, and was so geeked to show it off to people. My uncle called me "a tattoo foo'" but even he has grown to accept it. My own mother called it "potentially offensive" to my stepdad and his family because they are Jewish and the whole thing with the Nazis tattooing the Jews in internment camps during the Holocaust. That accusation was so unpleasant as to be offensive in and of itself, as if I would have such an intention to offend others with my own body art! If I wanted to do that, wouldn't a big "Fuck You!" on my forehead suffice?

Wild accusations aside, I have come to realize that I hardly notice the tat anymore, as it has just become part of my physical persona. Every now and then though, I look down at it and it helps me remember who I am. Everyone has their own beliefs about life, and I identify with my zodiac sign on a level deeper than most people, who are content to read their daily horoscope in the paper and make their own outcomes about whether or not it's true, like a fortune cookie perhaps. For me, the underlying foundation of the Aquarian sign not only seems to shape who I am as a person, but gives me direction on how to approach my relationships with other people. For example, Aquarius and Capricorns, despite being born only a month apart, are very different. My mom is a Capricorn, and my dad was a Pisces (the sign immediately following Aquarius). My stepdad is also a Capricorn. Aquarius has more of a free-spirited or even rebellious theme, with an emphasis on thinking, logic, and idealism. Capricorns are more comfortable with a good plan, maintaining strong relationships with people, and a very hierarchical structure for everything in their life. These contrasts have made it very challenging to keep a positive relationship with my parents all the time, and it becomes much easier for me to distance myself from them when I feel that their Alpha-like personalities are overwhelming me. I honestly don't understand how my parents even get along, being very stubborn and committed to a preset way of life. Birds of a feather flock together, I suppose.

But I really enjoy learning and thinking (true to Aquarian form) and it helps me understand better how I can be on good terms with my family in spite of our basic differences in personality. Often times this leads to me making concessions or compromising my own feelings in the interest of maintaining mutual harmony. Of course this takes its toll on my own well being, and that's why it's apparent that creating a buffer of space (physical and social) between my parents is necessary for me to stay sane.

When I was doing some research on Aquarius in an attempt to better understand my own underlying beliefs, I was curious to see which signs I was destined to be most compatible around. Clearly, Aquarius and Capricorn is a poor match with rare exceptions, and that will likely prevent me from dating one. Not because one is superior to the other, it's just major differences in our respective outlooks on life that lend themselves to friction as opposed to compatibility. The signs I found myself most aligned with were other Aquarians, Gemini, and Libra. My cousin, who is absolutely my closest confidante in life and can probably even finish my sentences for me, is a Gemini. That is not surprising. I thought about my past relationships and the signs those women had. Virgo, Cancer, and a border Taurus/Gemini. The Cancer was the most exhilarating relationship, but was rather short-lived and ended with the two of us spitting fire. The Virgo was not as deeply committed to me (or vice versa) as the other two relationships, and was very off and on for a while, but it had it's shining moments. The T/G was my first girlfriend and I learned a great deal about concerning myself with someone else's feelings at that young age of 17. They were all very different women and the relationships I had with them were also very different. The only thing these relationships had in common is that they didn't last very long. This is not to say dating a Libra or Aquarius or Gemini is a sure thing -- no relationship ever is. Obviously there are many other factors that go into determining if someone is capable of being a good match. But understanding the thought process of these like-minded people may be key to knowing what to expect when I enter into a new relationship. So between knowing that, and knowing what I like and dislike in a potential partner, my criteria becomes more refined but I will hopefully be able to better recognize a good match when I meet one in the future.

When I was hanging with Erika the other night (the good part of the evening, after the ATM card fiasco!), she made a comment about my aptitude with numbers and how I should do something with statistics. This was very gratifying, as that is the route I've already envisioned my next few years taking. Starting with returning to school for a Master's degree, but this time in a subject I have both an interest in and a natural inclination towards, and using that knowledge to pursue a career in something I'm passionate about. Having one of the best friends I have echoing my own sentiments only validates my decision that much more. I've been having more and more "What am I doing with my life, man?" moments in the past weeks, and it seems like I've overcome the first obstacle, which was figuring out what I WANT to do. Now the more practical obstacle of how to achieve those goals stands defiantly in my way, but I'm determined not to let it stop me.

As it stands, I have a lot to think about.

And as an Aquarius, I'm really happy about that. :)

Cacophony

2009-03-23T00:43:00.001-07:00

I saw this ad on Facebook today when I was looking at a friend's picture. I wonder why this "personalized" ad showed up because nowhere on my profile do I talk about playing World of Warcraft. Ignore the fact that the ad is incredibly misleading and caters acutely to the desperate nature of many gaming nerds for one second and think analytically as to how you would know I was interested in gaming at all if you didn't know anything about me. Is it because I'm a 15-34 year old male? Maybe it checks my browser's site history? This would also explain the massive influx of dating advertisements, although I always assumed that happened because my status says "single" on Facebook. I wonder if all people who are single see those ads. I certainly hope it's not indexing information from links posted on my Facebook profile (I post the link to this blog there as a shameless attempt to get people to read it, obviously), and the notion that it seems to be going off of my browser history is even more intrusive, although it only has potential to become a problem if that information gets shared in other ways besides delivering these personalized ads, especially without my permission.

I guess I should read the terms of service more often, Facebook probably has a "thanks, we now own you" clause when you sign up.

**********************************************

It hasn't been a great week. I was heading downtown to meet Erika and her cousin for a drink but stopped to get cash first. I first planned to deposit a check, but that was the beginning of my trouble. As I searched for envelopes, I figured out that this new ATM required no envelopes. You simply slide the check into a slot, it scans it and marks it as deposited, then kicks it back out to you. This was completely befuddling to me, for several reasons. The screen indicted I had done everything correctly and that my money was now in my bank account. The check was ejected from the machine, along with a receipt I didn't ask for, which said "System Error 74, Contact Your Institution". In my state of confusion, I hastily withdrew the money I needed, and asked for a receipt to verify that the money I had just deposited had actually been accounted for. I normally don't take receipts from ATMs (save a tree and all that) so my entire ATM routine had been torn asunder. Looking at the receipt was depressing enough, but for whatever reason, I felt like taking the cash and receipt was my cue to leave.

It was only when I reached the gas station a mere 10 blocks away that I realized in horror that I no longer had my debit card. I still needed gas regardless of the misplaced card, so goodbye half of the $40 I had just withdrawn. I tried to play it cool, making awkward small talk with the gas attendant (man I'll be happy when I can pump my own gas again), then raced back to the bank. The ATM machine was back to the welcome screen, and my card was nowhere to be found. I recalled as I drove away that a young man had gone up to use the same machine. Whether or not he cleaned out my account (or even had a chance before the ATM swallowed my card for security purposes) is unknown, as I can't remember my online banking info at the time either. My memory is failing me miserably the past few weeks, probably due to stress. I did remember to set out the trash and recycling for my parents tonight though (but forgot last week >_<).

I get so off topic when I write, I can't imagine this being enjoyable for anyone to read. But it helps clear my head, which is very relieving in times when there is already too much in there.

10 things I need to do in the next week:

1. Get a replacement debit card.
2. Find an apartment in SJ.
3. Divide and conquer the ungodly amount of stuff I have in my apt, as far as what comes with me and what gets sold/put in storage.
4. Get on a NORMAL sleep schedule.
5. Re-establish a routine.
6. Continue the job search.
7. Say my farewells to people.
8. Get my relationship with my parents righted so that I know I am leaving with their support (this may be difficult).
9. New brakes for car.
10. Submit CA vehicle registration before March 28th.

There are probably a hundred other things I need to do, but this is a good start.

Bye now.

This is Craigslist, and us scammers run the show

2009-03-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

Check this out, some dude on Craigslist is straight scammin'!

****************************************

from EA
to benard.glott5@yahoo.com
date Wed, Mar 18, 2009 at 2:19 PM
subject RE: $600 / 1br - 1br Bedroom Fully Furnished For Rent (santa clara)

Hello, is this listing is still available and if so, do you have any pictures of the unit and/or surrounding area? Also, whereabouts in Santa Clara is the unit located? Is the unit shared with other residents or is it a standalone unit?

Thanks in advance for your response.

EA

****************************************

Here's the response I got:

****************************************

from Benard Glott
reply-to benard.glott5@yahoo.com
to EA
date Thu, Mar 19, 2009 at 9:22 AM
subject RE: $600 / 1br - 1br Bedroom Fully Furnished For Rent (santa clara)

It is a great pleasure that to you are interested in my Place.Thanks for your email and it is my gladness to hearing you I am a Single Christain Father, With no kid, My Wife, Pass by Last 4 Month (got dead). Due to the Fatal Accident we Had she got Dead, and I got Dislocation on my Legs and Hand, My name is Pastor Rev Benard Glott The Owner of the 1 bedroom home and its located @ 4500 Carlyle Ct Santa Clara, CA 95054 I am presently in West Africa due to my transfer that makes me leave the house and also want to give it out for rent and looking for a responsible person that can take very good care of it as I am not after the money for the rent but want it to be clean at the time and the person that will rent it to take it as if it were its own. So for now, i am here in west Africa, My new house and put all my worries off concerning the maintenance of the apartment for, since i am not residing there for now.I left behind some Facilities and electonics which include the rent, and a DVD player, air conditioning, alarm system. The kitchen is fully equipped with all necessary cooking utensils, arefrigerator-freezer, four-hob and oven, microwave,dishwasher and washing machine, My Computer Connected with Internet Acess Also the keys to the House are right here with me, and the lease document. Which i can send to you after all necessary agreement has be accepted. Also i will like you to know that the rent charges is not really the issue ,but your absolute maintenance of my apartment is most important thing so will want you to get back to me with the Application form below

RENT APPLICATION FORM

1)Your Full Name
2)Your Full Address
3)Phone Number
4)How old are you?
5)Are you married?
6)How many people will be living in the house?
7)Do you have a pet?
8)Do you have a car?
9)Occupation?
10)When do you want to move in?
11)How long do you want to stay in my apartment?
12) Pictures of all the Occupant that will stay in my apartment if you have any

One Mr Brasson called me about the apartment,I told him that I can't give him the apartment because he loves smoking,drinking and dont want him to get drunked and damaged my property one day so If you are still interested, Note that the rent is going to be $600 Per month No extra fees.I will like you to give me a call on this effect to know how serious you are.

I personally will actually come visiting you sometimes during the year as my new tenant.

Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file in case of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you. Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the keys of the house to you. The address of the house is 4500 Carlyle Ct Santa Clara, CA 95054

HOUSE PICTURES IS BELOW Note: no pictures were actually in the reply.

I wait to read back from you soonest

Thanks and God Bless you

****************************************

There is so much entirely wrong with this that I don't even know where to start. Being the clever boy that I am, I google'd the address given and was shocked to find out that it actually exists. Once I looked at the street view of the place, I thought "Hey, this place would be pretty nice to live at, but how can it be only $600/mo for such an upscale place in the bay area?" They are essentially on par with the housing at Santana Row (I'd much rather live at SR, for the record).

If you aren't aware by this point, I realized this was a scam from the first sentence. I was interested after seeing the CL ad but clearly this is not legitimate. Among the many other glaring deficiencies in this "person's" reply:

1. Sorry to hear that your wife "got dead", first and foremost.
2. Oh you live in West Africa? That's so INTERESTING! Tell me more about your native country, please! I hear the phishing and identity theft industries are doing quite well there.
3. Asking for "Pictures of all the Occupant that will stay in my apartment" sounds like another way of saying "Please show me what the occupants look like so that my hired assassin can whack you at first opportunity"
4. Dunno who Mr. Brasson is, or why he felt the need to mention him, but I agree -- I wouldn't want my tenants getting "drunked" and damaging my property either!
5. I'll be sure to give this guy all my info before he bothers sending me the keys. That seems completely trustworthy and foolproof.

Tangent: Did you know the MINIMUM monthly rent at Santana Row is $1,971/mo? Don't worry, it caps out at $5,600 a month. This is extravagant and ostentatious even by my standards, as I was paying $1,675/mo at my last San Jose residence. It was a nice place though. :)

Back to the reason I shared this brilliance with you though. I'm mildly annoyed that this guy now has one of my gmail addresses (not my personal one, THANKFULLY) so I can expect a flow of spam to start coming in soon enough. What's more disappointing to me though, is that Craigslist has taken such a tumble down a steep hill to the point that essentially no ad on Craigslist is completely trustworthy anymore. A few years ago, I used Craigslist for everything from dating to selling extra stuff to finding tickets to sporting events. Every ad just seemed legitimate back then and honestly, I had mostly genuine responses. I'm therefore troubled that one of the most popular online trading posts has since become so littered with trash and phony ads that what could once be compared to an up and coming community like Portland has now essentially become the online version of Detroit, MI.

The problem is also twofold: Time is quickly running out for me to find a place to move into. Even though the direction in my life is solidified, getting a plan to come together is not always easy, and I'm finding this to be very aggravating as far as finding a relatively cheap place (doesn't have to be luxurious or anything) that is somewhere between San Jose and Palo Alto, as that is the part of the bay area that I love most.

Job situation? Rather not talk about it right now...

So back to the drawing board I guess. The eleventh hour seems to be very kind to me, so I imagine everything will work out and I'll be back in the state I love so much in a matter of weeks.

The Writer Returns

2009-03-17T04:17:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm getting the itch to blog more like back in the old days. But going over my old blog, I realized my posts tend to sound mundane and uninteresting rather than profound when I write a lot and have since taken a "quality over quantity" approach to blogging. I'll try to be relevant and interesting when I write, my mind tends to wander when I sit down and type though. Proof?

Enter: Exhibit A!

I met some friends downtown today for coffee and to chat about random things. For someone who grew up in this town, I really don't know downtown as well as I should (my numerous visits to the Pearl District notwithstanding). I parked roughly 384623423489 miles away from the coffee shop and had to walk through micro-climates to get to there. Literally. It was raining as I got out of my car, it turned sunny after a few blocks, then it was raining and windy by the time I actually reached Seattle's Best. Effing Oregon. Even as I sat with my friends chatting, I looked out one window to see sparse patches of blue skies and what appeared to be acceptable weather. To my reverse, my friends observed what could only be described (in my own words, of course) as a cloudburst.

The same thing happened as I walked my parents' dog to Peet's this morning. It dumped buckets prior to my stroll and conveniently stopped long enough for me to get my coffee and get back home.

I'm not a coffee addict, I swear.

Anyway, that venture downtown was a nice impromptu break in my day. As an added cherry on top, my far-off parking spot was a one hour zone, and I was definitely at Seattle's Best for closer to two hours, but was delighted to see that I didn't receive a citation (which I'd rather not pay right now, what with moving costs and all). $1.25 for 2 hours of parking, eat it Portland. I must have some good karma points saved up.

Speaking of such, I met up with Erika the other night at a martini bar called Vault. It was loud and filled with a lot of douchey types but the atmosphere was still really modern and right up my alley. I arrived shortly before Erika, so while I was waiting and perusing the menu, I noticed a girl carrying two filled-to-the-brim martinis. I glanced up at her and she looked right at me. Before she even said anything, I offered to take one of the drinks and deliver it to her friend who was sitting nearby. As I did so, the cute girl who was receiving the drink said something to the effect of "nice to meet you!" At least that's what I thought she said. Of course, I've learned a thing or two in my 26 years about not making an ass of yourself in front of hot chicks. So rather than respond in a friendly, conversation-inducing way and risk the dreaded "uhhh, what are you TALKING about?!?", I simply smiled at her and responded "My pleasure", then went back to reading the menu. I felt like that was the best response to any myriad statements that she might have actually made. It didn't help that the music was practically shaking the walls, so conversation was a foregone conclusion at that point anyway.

When Erika arrived and I told her about what happened, she agreed that I probably made the right move. Even if the girl was trying to chat me up, it's probably not in my best interest to get involved with anything that might prevent me from making a clean break from Oregon. I've gotten a lot better over the years I think, and maybe that's due to the maturation process, but I still put a great deal of effort towards one relationship. By relationships, I'm referring to both potential and actualized. So whether I'm in a relationship with someone or maybe hoping and only finding unrequited love (as is the case many times), I tend to focus my energy on that one person rather than spread out or "play the field" as they say. Most unsurprisingly, that has very strong consequences for my emotions when things don't work out as I had hoped. But I'm pretty resilient and can move on much easier from a mere crush than when trying to let go of someone I've had a deeper relationship with.

So to tie this in to the martini girl, I didn't want to risk becoming infatuated with her for any reason. If I leave my heart in Portland, that only opens the window of opportunity for me to come back again, and I know in my brain that that's not the right answer for me. It almost certainly never will be either, although I never say never... This was also especially important because as it stands currently, there is no one girl claiming my attention at the moment. I'm really happy about that for the time being, because I'd prefer to focus on getting some other things on track first. Also, I was in a similar position before I moved to California the first time, and only a few short weeks after I moved, someone wonderful came into my life without me really seeking it. Wonderful at the time, obviously.

/end exhibit/

Whew! So, a post about coffee with friends and the bizarre weather patterns of the Pacific NW metamorphosed into me talking about relationships and women. What a shocker. Every blog I've had, the majority of it is about girls. I'm not girl crazy, in the sense that the term pertains to the opposite gender equivalent of "boy crazy". I do spend a great deal of time thinking about them though, and I write about whatever comes to mind. This becomes a very volatile combination, especially when my feelings about someone are expressed in a blog because I don't know how to express them otherwise in an acceptable way, then someone reads it and becomes completely zeroed in on the notion that something about me has changed because I said what I was feeling and all of a sudden, the relationship that existed previously becomes nothing more than an awkward exhibition between two people, as if they were total strangers again.

(That made sense in my head as I was writing it. If you read this blog with any regularity, you probably already know that I can't be counted on to make sense 100% of the time. More like 72%, tops.)

I feel that I hold very high standards for who I choose to date, which perpetuates my singleness but also prevents a lot of unnecessary stress and drama from seeping into my life, a trade-off I'll gladly and unconditionally take. Girls have always been precious to me, at times being the lone cause for my emotional highs and lows. I've fallen in love with them, I've despised their very existence, and experienced any variant of emotion in between. But I blog to release my emotions, and the emotions evoked by the females I meet in life are simply not matched by their male counterparts (which is why I rarely write anything about my guy friends!). As a result, I have my doubts about marriage and family and everything else that typically goes hand in hand when talking about men and women. Still, the upside always seems to outweigh the downside to meeting someone and becoming interested in them more romantically, then potentially having a relationship with them. That's why I keep writing, that's why despite all the failed attempts at true love thus far, as it were, another female inevitably comes along who inspires me, fascinates me, and gives me a new reason to believe that true love doesn't only happen in Hollywood.

"You don't score, until you score"

2009-03-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

Erika: De just txtd me and said ur a cute dorky white guy and that she'd " do you"..
Erika: hahaha
Erika: on her part, not yours.
Erika: My reply to her txt was: " you just now noticed that?"

Flattering to say the least. :)

A self-fulfilling prophecy?

2009-03-15T03:24:00.000-07:00

This.

So many things to say about that post, as it is (like most stuff I write) all over the place. Architecture? Not happening. I'm not sure at what point this particular interest changed -- my interests change rather frequently it seems like -- but now I feel pretty boneheaded for just packing up and leaving the place I loved so much (although leaving the job was certainly for the better, regardless of where I moved).

The good news, and quite possibly the best news aside from hearing about any impending job opportunities, is that for the first time in a year, I feel like I have a direction. I think I felt similarly when I moved back to Portland last May, but then things didn't work out as planned (how rarely they ever do), and here I am now. I have educational goals, a career goal, other personal goals, but often times it takes a heaping dose of adversity for me to focus more acutely on what I want and/or need to do to be happy. It happened during college when I took spring term of my sophomore year off after a pathetic showing winter term, and what was the result? Coming back to school for summer term (two years in a row, even) with a fiery determination to earn my degree because I knew it was important to achieving my future goals. And I did earn the degree, nearly on the same schedule as the rest of my friends. But the most important thing is HOW I managed to do it after the feelings towards school, ranging from apathetic to outright dislike, temporarily sidetracked me from pursuing my goal. Structure has always been my associate, and disorder has always been my downfall. A structured approach to achieving my goals worked before, and it can absolutely work again.

Also, to the people that ask how I can move to California without a job or housing lined up (yet)... I also did THAT once before and it was quite possibly the second best decision I made in my life, returning to finish my Bachelor's degree being the first. Moving back to Portland without a job? That decision may or may not crack the top 100... million. Of course I regret nothing, but I am doing what is necessary to rectify my own mistake. Mistakes and regrets are not always hand in hand. My world order is about to be restored in a matter of weeks. And, that's the real reason I linked that old post. Because I called it. This is not fair though, because I don't think there was ever a doubt in my mind. It was only a matter of when.

I couldn't even last a year in PDX. But strangely enough, the fact that I made it 10 months and change without flipping out and taking off sprinting south down I-5 is a nice accomplishment in and of itself.

Destiny

2009-03-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

I wonder if people are meant to meet each other or if it's just coincidence. For example, there is a person I have never met in person before, or even talked to, but nevertheless she reappears in my life at random intervals. I browse a dating website, there she is. Facebook, there she is. Yelp, there she is.

I can understand the fact that people with similar interests would engage in a lot of similar activities. From what little I know, she and I have a lot of similar interests. That is saying nothing though, aside from explaining the multiple path crossings.

She is only an example right now of a more non-specific question, which is: Are we destined to interweave with certain other peoples' lives? Is every meeting with a stranger meant to be or only a twist of fate?

The good part about this is that I embrace the chance to meet someone new every day, pre-destined or not.

/change topic/

Less than three weeks now, so it seems. I don't need to explain how I feel about it anymore, anyone who reads this already knows.

The rain is falling heavily today, which is what I expect from Oregon's winter-spring transition. In high contrast, by next week, the weather in San Jose is expected to be sunny and approaching 70 degrees.

Looks like the weather is already welcoming me back.

Unquestioned Answers

2009-03-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

Picture this:

1995, 6th grade.

Voted "Most Likely To Succeed" by classmates.

Succeed is the verb form of the noun, success.

suc⋅cess /səkˈsɛs/ [suhk-ses]
–noun
1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.
2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

So the questions that follow:

- To what do I endeavor?
- How do I arrive at the favorable or prosperous termination of said endeavor?
- Wealth, position, and honors do not mean much to me. Does this mean I can't be successful?

As I do every year, I read the horoscope for Aquarius on my birthday last month. The Oregonian posts a special blurb labeled "If [today's date] is your birthday..." which supposedly gives more insight into what the future holds, if you choose to believe in that. I do, and this year it said something about a very prosperous opportunity coming my way in April. I don't hold breath waiting for this to happen though. Nothing ever worth having came easily. These are certainly uneasy times for me.

Portland feels completely stagnant. In spite of not having a definite roadmap in front of me, staying in Portland does not seem like the answer, short or long term. I need to ~~leave~~ escape. Within the constraints of real life, this is not a simple endeavor.

Ahh, that word!

Endeavor!

Leaving Portland for the Bay Area would be a success, if only a small one.

Why...

2009-03-03T15:40:00.002-08:00

...do I always fail?

*sigh*

I'm about done with the peaks and valleys, can I just have flat ground for a while please?

I wonder...

2009-02-24T22:16:00.001-08:00

...why people look down when they are walking. I catch myself doing it only when I think about it, at which point it's a compulsion -- I can't look forward. This is metaphorical in some way, I can't explain it coherently enough.

But another metaphor: As I was walking to Starbucks today, I thought about it again but it had rained the night before so there were worms all over the sidewalk. I realized there was an actual purpose to looking down now: to not crush hapless worms underfoot.

The moral probably goes something like this: Watch where you're walking, or you may have a profound impact on the lives of others without realizing it.

It might mean something else, I'm tired and full of pancakes. As a result, I feel like projectile vomiting.

However, I did meet Miss Oregon 2008 tonight, so the day is deemed a success. :)

Think outside the box. Then think inside the box and compare notes.

2009-02-03T00:57:00.001-08:00

If I've learned anything in the past week or two, it's that I need to have clearly defined boundaries for every person in my life in order to have a successful relationship with them. My work friends are not the same as my college friends, my family are not my business associates, and most importantly, I learned that I can't always have the type of relationship with every person I meet that I would like to have.

Que la vida, lo triste.

It's my job though, to ensure that those boundaries are in place and maintained.

I can't keep playing triage with my relationships with friends, family, acquaintances, and expect to stay happy myself.

I just wish I had more control over things sometimes.

What if...

2009-01-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

...I just up and moved to somewhere like Hawaii?

Emotional Recession

2009-01-20T10:10:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's such a great day to be an American. Despite going to bed feeling sad, I could hardly sleep with excitement about today's presidential inauguration. I still can't believe this day is finally here. I was glued to my TV during the entire ceremony. The Obama family just looks presidential. I'm filled with a renewed sense of hope, for the nation, the world, and although it might be a bit selfish on this day, for myself.

The saying goes something like "It's always darkest before the dawn." If today is the dawn, then yesterday was certainly a dark night. I've been feeling extremely emotional the past few days in particular, as I'm approaching another crossroads in my life. I don't mean emotional like crying or lashing out in anger, but more like being pulled in infinite directions emotionally. Yesterday serves as an example. I felt mostly content throughout the morning, but as the day progressed, I became acutely aware of my job and living situation, and the emotional barometer fell sharply. There was a temporary halt to the downward spiral when I met with Eric for the Blazer game, which was enjoyable as always, but I still had a seed of doubt for my future planted in the back of my head. After the game was probably the lowest point I've felt in some time. I drove to my parents' house to pick up some work from my stepdad, and despite my best efforts to mask it, my mom instantly noticed something was wrong (moms are good like that, and it doesn't help that I wear my emotions on my sleeve much of the time). Unfortunately, they were on a conference call with my stepbrother and his wife, and were unable to talk to me. I didn't feel like hanging around anyway, so I took the work and left. I recognized that my mom was visibly saddened by my emotional state. She knows I'm not happy in the situation I'm in, but like me, she's unsure what to do to remedy the problem. I don't think anyone has a clear answer right now.

I don't like using the word "depressed" to describe how I feel right now, because depression is something I've already dealt with once and this doesn't quite feel the same. I know this feeling will pass, things will get better, and although I feel like I'm at the end result of a bunch of small unfortunate circumstances that are more or less beyond my control, I still feel like it's up to me to take charge of my life. My 26th birthday is about three weeks away. On a day when so many Americans (or humans, for that matter) feel such a great sense of inspiration, I'm inspired to challenge myself to make the changes necessary which will restore my own happiness before that date, so that my 26th year on Earth will be the best one thus far.

This seemed a lot more fluid in my head, but I rarely convert that fluidity to scripture. For all the two people who read this, I hope I made sense. I guess it's really only important that it makes sense to me. :)

Happy Inauguration Day. May this day mark the start of something wonderful, for everyone.

Drives me crazy... haha get it? >_>

2009-01-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

Something I'll miss about Portland when I leave: Driving over the Fremont or Marquam Bridge at night and looking at the downtown skyline. Best thing ever.

Something(s) I definitely won't miss about Portland: Oregon drivers who fail at figuring out what to do at a four way stop, an intersection with no stop signs, and those effing green bicycle lanes.

The Bluebird of Happiness

2009-01-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

I was cleaning my apartment and found this fortune that I saved in my old wallet. I think it was from the San Francisco Fortune Cookie Co. This is strange because I don't usually eat fortune cookies, let alone save the fortunes. But here's what it said:

It is assured that the bluebird of happiness will crap on your next birthday cake.

Yay?

38 more days until we know for sure.

Also, it appears I'm going to be getting an intangible birthday present, as my lease ends on 1/31/09 and I have no plans to renew. So for my birthday, I will be busy unpacking all my crap at some unknown new location. I hope that location is somewhere in the 408 or 650 area code... :)

roar

2009-01-01T03:54:00.000-08:00

Very angry, and tired, and disappointed. Not the way I wanted to start a new year. But then again, New Year's celebration is really arbitrary, so I can start my own new year whenever the hell I want.

I imagine that will be whenever I know my return to Cali is imminent. Because I like starting new years (among other things) on a happy note.

Going to sleep now, bye.

Oh Babyface

2008-12-28T15:00:00.001-08:00

Why
It's no crime
If I'm guilty of love, let me do my time

Baby why
It's no crime
Everybody needs love, and baby, so do I

On another note, the snow is mostly melted now. Thankfully. I can drive again!

Still jobless. Something should happen this week.

I now have 7 toons that are 70 or higher... and I just got an itch to level Domini, my level 65 warrior. Tanking specs really interest me for some reason, as I've now got a feral (tank) druid, protection paladin, and protection warrior. Of course, druids and pallies can heal too, but I'd probably stick to tanking with both. My shaman heals and once I get through the leveling process with the priest again, he'll probably heal too (I have a soft spot for Acuario, he was my first level 60!). So now the question is, am I eventually going to level a rogue? It's looking more and more likely...

I hope everyone had a happy holiday!

Snowed In

2008-12-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

Portland has been gripped in the icy clutches of Mother Nature for a good week or so. Just as the snow was starting to melt away on Friday, a fresh 6 or 8 inches of powder fell this weekend, followed by a steady diet of freezing rain, turning the prospect of driving from an exercise in self-endangerment to more of a suicide flavor. And if your own mortality is not reason enough to stay off the roads, the powers that be have decided that you have to have chains on your car anywhere in the metro area now, which I don't have. So I'm stuck here with no way to get across town (or anywhere).

But I did go for a walk tonight. I was actually hoping Starbucks was still open (it was not) so I walked down Murray Blvd., happily crunching the 8 inches of ice-snow beneath me. The night was hazy but everything seemed bright as the light from the streetlights reflected off the glistening snow. And as I noticed how beautiful the snow was, I also realized how surreal everything was... Not only covered in white, but I could probably count the cars that passed by me on one hand. The entire community, save for Safeway across the street, had shut down. There was an air of silence that was a refreshing change of pace for someone who lives adjacent to a busy road. No motors revving, no honking, just peace and quiet. I can appreciate now why people want peace and quiet. I think I'd enjoy it too, if it wasn't so cold.

No matter what I tell myself, or anyone else, there are things I'm going to miss about Portland when I leave again.

Speaking of which, it is apparent now that come hell or high water, I'll be back in the Bay Area in weeks. Last Friday, I interviewed for a position with the company that purchased my old team. I should know the status of that job by sometime mid-week. In addition, word got around that I was planning to come back, and my old boss (the one I liked the most) caught on and informed my old coworker that I was welcome back to my old position whenever I wanted. Neither of the positions thrill me the way this job I applied for with my ACTUAL old employer (confused yet?) does, so I'm still holding out hope to hear back about that job. In any event, the scoreboard now looks like this:

One sure job, just depends on if I want to take it or not.
One possible job, interviewed already, will know status soon.
One longshot job, hoping for an interview, would take this job above all others.

The common denominator? Each one of these options takes me back to Cali, which is the ultimate goal. So I'd really be happy no matter what happens.

I kinda wanted to go take pictures of the snow while it's still here and before the drivers really ruin the roads tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's freezing raining again and if I have the choice between freezing my ass off outside or curling up in a nice warm bed, I'm gonna go with the bed 10 out of 10 times. :)

Validation

2008-12-02T15:25:00.000-08:00

I was working on my resume at Starbucks today and reading the Oregonian. In my typical routine of checking the comics page, I peeked at my horoscope. I'm a strong believer that horoscopes can give some good insight into one's life. That might seem absurd, but I feel that it's no stranger than thinking any other belief has any bearing on how a person's life plays out. Anyway, the horoscope read:

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Reevaluate what is most important and choose what will help you reach your main goal. Don't get bogged down.

I wonder if they read my blog post last night then came up with that. If nothing else, it makes me think I'm on the right path though. :)

Hard Times

2008-12-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

First of all, I'd like to start this post (first one in ~4 months) by congratulating my cousin for getting engaged! I'm so thrilled for him, and I really think he's found someone with whom he shares a compatible and inspiring life. So I'm really happy for him. The wedding isn't for a couple years, but he's asked me -- not surprisingly -- to be in his wedding. I wouldn't be shocked if I was asked to be the Best Man either (but wouldn't be disappointed if I wasn't!).

So on the topic of weddings, and I'll keep this part short, I had another dream about Kiwi last night. I've reached the point where I'm not thinking about her on a daily basis, but occasionally I have a dream where we are at least on friendly terms and in frequent contact with each other. Last night, I had a dream that we were walking around some home furnishings store picking out curtains or some other wall decorations. You know, things MARRIED COUPLES DO. But it made me happy, to imagine that scenario. It may have been due to hearing my cousin's good news about marriage, but it's very peculiar how when it comes to the topic of relationships/dating/marriage, my mind always flies back to Kiwi. Self destruction is my forte, if I haven't demonstrated that clearly enough already.

On to more current affairs, I read an article that a friend sent me, tongue-in-cheek I assume. I read it and had a good laugh, mostly in a funny-because-it's-true way. I then noticed a related post that sobered me a little bit about my playing habits. I don't feel like I'm addicted to anything, more so that WoW fills empty time in my life. But thinking about it more, isn't that what ANY addiction does, to varying degrees of self-inflicted destruction? WoW is not an addiction like crack is an addiction. Unless you let it become that. Yes, people have died from playing too long or been arrested for neglecting their children while playing, but those are pretty isolated. At any rate, the business major in me decided to chime in for once and I started thinking about what I could/should be doing with my time at the age of 25. Are there things I could be doing that are more productive or beneficial than playing a multiplayer online game? Absolutely. Are they more fun or do they bring me more happiness? That remains to be seen. But if the game stops being fun and starts feeling like work, as the first article suggests, then I really have to stop and evaluate if I'm better off doing something else with all my free hours. Business nerds call this "opportunity cost" -- the cost/benefit of what you are doing vs. what you COULD be doing instead. For two years and change, I've filled so many hundreds or thousands of hours playing this game. I've met people who have become like good friends to me, despite having never met 99% of them in real life. But in spite of that, I don't think I have neglected my real life friends for this game. They are the reason I moved back to Portland (which I am regretting at this point -- more later on that and I'm not regretting it BECAUSE of my friends) and being the relatively social being that I am, I would rather meet some people for a brew or dinner or a movie than sit at home playing a game alone, and yet not really alone, if that makes sense.

Nevertheless, I feel like after playing for so long, it's time for me to take a break from it. Or possibly give it up altogether. I've been focusing a lot on relationships and developing one for myself lately, and it comes as no surprise that I've been influenced greatly by the people around me, such as my recently-engaged cousin, or my friends who have moved in with their significant others in the past few months, or other friends who are just beginning new relationships with someone special. It's time in my life to find someone special, as cheesy as that might sound. I did it once, and despite only approaching that feeling once in the 2.5 years since that far-too-short relationship ended, I'm confident that I can do it again.

But it begins with taking care of myself, first and foremost. I have been out of work for a month now, having completed my contract work with Nike at the end of October. I have been extremely lax and unmotivated to find new work, and dampened spirits can be blamed for that, as both jobs I've had since finishing college were not career builders (although one paid pretty well) and now I've hit the quarter-life crisis with no sense of direction as to what I want to do for a living. My interests change so rapidly that it's hard to maintain a stake in any one career path. Nine months ago, I decided that I wanted to move back to the Portland area, to study Architecture at either UO or PSU. Now it is a month before applications are due for the UO program and I'm feeling non-committal about the entire thing. To make matters worse, I'm pining for the Bay Area, as I accurately predicted I would be. I just didn't expect it to happen so fast. So my job hunting has been primarily limited to the scope of San Jose, San Francisco, or anywhere in between. That is the one thing in my life right now that I KNOW I want. I love the area, I love the people there, I love the non-depression-inducing weather, everything. It is a fantastic place to live, and in retrospect, I was crazy to think I would be happier in a place that can only be described as "stale" now to me.

So the return is in the cards, but I don't think I'd like to move the same way I did in 2006, when I packed up my car and hit the road with no job and barely a place to stay. I want to know I have employment waiting for me down there this time. I understand the difficulties associated with interviewing long-distance, and would be more than willing to travel for interview purposes (although employers don't always recognize that). The final obstacle -- and it's looking Grand Canyon-sized at this point -- is discovering a job opening that I: A) feel qualified to do, B) would enjoy doing for an indefinite length of time, and C) think would lead to discovering my real passion in life. That last one is the toughest criterion to satisfy, but I reject the idea that someone with the same qualifications and luxuries that I am fortunate enough to enjoy has to work a job they hate just to survive. That's what I've been doing since I left college and I'm not interested in continuing this stagnant behavior in order to keep my head above water.

In my personal philosophy, I've never believed that anyone deserves something for nothing. So while it may not be exciting, hunting for this ~~job~~ career has become a top priority for me. It may turn out that this job exists in another state besides wonderful California, or even another country. I mostly feel like this would be OK, as long as it's in a big city area not named Portland, Oregon. Despite my undying love for the Bay, I like to keep an open mind about places I haven't explored.

Happiness remains THE top priority for me. So while World of Warcraft used to make me happy, the fun factor has faded somewhat, and I think I'm better off moving on to things that do make me happy. This still leaves unanswered questions. Is a relationship what makes me happy? Not any relationship explicitly, but finding someone to have a relationship with certainly holds that potential. Is an exciting career going to make me happy? Maybe or maybe not, but doing something that I truly enjoy -- and getting paid for it as opposed to paying FOR it -- would relieve some sources of stress in my life and that leads to greater happiness. Which is really what I'm looking for.

Off to job hunt, with mixed emotions.

I am one shallow mutha

2008-08-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

me: well I've seen hot people walking around campus
lol yea
I don't typically find white girls attractive... they usually have issues
and age poorlyu
but if I end up marrying one, you never heard me say that
John: HAHAH
man...that's thinking deep...
"Like in 20 years...she might not be a milf. That's a big factor..."
:P
me: I'm a big picture person, what can I say
John: LOL...
has to have a high-ceiling milf potential...
me: yup
I want my kids school friends to be jealous
John: HAHAHAH

Middle of Yesterday

2008-05-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

This song sums up my feelings about her and everything that happened. Amazingly, I discovered this song while in Monterey for a friend's wedding. My rental car did not have a tape player (to attach the iPod) and I was not going to try my luck with Monterey radio stations all weekend, so I went out and bought the one Our Lady Peace CD I did not yet own.

Best $9.99 + tax ever spent.

Our Lady Peace - "Middle Of Yesterday"

You feel the love
You feel the past
It's all the things you thought you had

Oh, I woke up in hell today
I woke up depressed and drained
But that's OK cause
I promised not to hurt you again
Apparently I'm to blame
But apparently I've been framed
My memory that won't help me
When it's happening

Out of mind
Out of soul
Out of light
Out of control

Standing in the middle of yesterday
When it all went wrong
And we made mistakes
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say
But it won't be long
And it will be OK

Oh, I promised you I would change
I'm an asshole, and I'm ashamed
And I'm upset 'cause I betrayed
Everything that you gave
Will you ever let me explain?
Can I beg you to let me stay?
Don't quit me cause
I'll never let this happen

Out of mind
Out of soul
Out of the mind
Of of control

Standing in the middle of yesterday
When it all went wrong
And we made mistakes
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say
But it won't be long
And it will be OK

You feel the love
You feel the past
It's all the things you thought you had

You feel the love
You feel the past
It's all the things you thought you had

Standing in the middle of yesterday
When it all went wrong
And we made mistakes
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say
But it won't be long
And it will be OK

Standing in the middle of yesterday
When it all went wrong
And we made mistakes
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say
But it won't be long
And it will be OK

We'll make it up to you
Make it up to you
Make it up to you

Forgive Me For Being Childish

2008-04-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went out to a Chinese restaurant called Dynasty with some coworkers because I had never tried dim sum (Chinese for "snacks", I was told) and my coworkers were determined to have me try it before I left for Oregon. I'm not generally afraid to try new food (I was very picky growing up, I think I've gotten better though) so I was excited about it. A few months ago, we had gotten together for Taiwanese breakfast -- which I later found out was just a different kind of dim sum. That food was delicious, so I expected the same from this place.

Once everyone arrived and we began ordering, the food just kept coming. People walk around with carts full of food and if you've been there before, you know what is good and what is not, but if I had gone on my own, I would've had to order strictly based on appearances. It's a good thing I didn't, because some of the best looking stuff tasted awful and some of the strangest looking food was delicious. One of the strangest dishes we ordered was called "Phoenix Claw". I'll spare you the speculation and tell you that it is chicken feet. Having never tried it but full of ambition and feeling courageous, I gave it a shot. It tasted alright, I never really liked animal skin though. Growing up, when my mom would cook chicken, I would be in the kitchen like a watchdog making sure the skin was cut off before she cooked it. Something about it, tastes gross to me. So the skin on the chicken feet was not appetizing but I was being adventurous so I tried it. The feet are composed of tiny bones, so you spend half your time carefully dissecting the meat from the bones in your mouth then spitting the bones out and eating the remainder. I was doing fine until I got to the big part of the foot and noticed a roughly 2 inch long bone. As I was contemplating how I was going to go about attacking this delicacy, I blithely said aloud, "I'm scared I'm gonna choke on this huge bone." My coworker Mags, never one to pass up a chance at comedy, quickly retorts "That's what she said!" I know it's juvenile, or maybe it was the combination of miniature octopi and seaweed that caused my hysterics, but I could not stop laughing after that. Consequently, I'll never be able to safely eat Phoenix Claw again either, because that statement will be forever ingrained in my head every time I look at it.

As I was trying to regain control of myself, I was thinking about why people would eat something that seemingly has very little edible portion to it. But I realized that it comes down to cultural differences. Americans only eat animal parts which they feel are meant to be eaten, i.e. leg, breast, wing meat. Chinese culture, in contrast, intends to leave no waste from the animal, leaving only truly inedible things like bones uneaten (and I've actually heard of people who do eat the bones). Intestines, organs, everything seems to be fair game with Chinese food. Not to jump to conclusions, so correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a definite jump in adventurousness from eating American food to eating Chinese food. I would say it's the same for any culture, but I feel like American food is so tame that other cultures would find it boring. But then again, cheese is a staple in American diet and Asian cultures rarely use cheese in their meals.

I think I was having a discussion with my coworkers about why Asian people don't like/eat cheese very much, and it led to a Google search, which led to me finding this brilliant quote:

"This experiment can relate to real life because we all eat cheese. In fact, people all over the world eat cheese. This experiment is important because cheese is one of those things you need to eat to live."
From http://www.youth.net/nsrc/consumer/con017.html

I was pleasantly surprised to find an experiment on that page about M&M's as well. As some of you may or may not know, I have a slight case of obsessive-compulsive disorder with what might seem like the most inane things. For example, most people go through a routine because they've done it that way for so long. I have to put my left shoe on first, ALWAYS. If I try putting my right shoe on first, I feel uncomfortable and have to take it off and put my left shoe on. I can't explain it, it's just like that. Anyway, I'm also weird about M&M's, as well as Skittles. When I get a bag of M&M's or Skittles, I have to separate them by color then eat them according to lowest quantity to highest quantity of each color. I know that's completely ridiculous, but it just feels strange eating a handful of mixed colors. So going back to that website, it pleased me to see an analysis of the frequency of colors in bags of M&M's. I always had an interest in statistical analysis so naturally, this is something that would come up in my head.

One more week of work... crazy that it's actually coming to an end now.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

2008-04-09T14:05:00.001-07:00

I was driving home yesterday and thinking about a girl... and it raised an interesting philosophical question: Can someone be the "right" person for you even if it doesn't work the other way around? Before you immediately dismiss this and say no, I want you to back up your logic and prove it without a doubt.

*queue the Jeopardy music*

That's just it... you can't. It's completely relevant only to the person who holds the belief. This girl was the right one for me (note that I said "right" and not "perfect", two completely different things) but obviously I was not the right one for her. It was not even temporarily perfect, but it was definitely right. Two years ago, the right girl for me came into my life and changed it forever. I just wish she was still a part of it...

*sigh*

My Other World, Part Two

2008-04-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

Last time, I talked about World of Warcraft, then finished the post with a musical plug. This time, I'm switching it up and plugging the music first. After some research, and thanks to Amazon.com's recommendations, I discovered another pair of absolutely brilliant Eurotronic (that's the best way I can describe it, and as such that's the name of my iPod playlist containing all this musical ingenuity) CD's, both compilations under the name Luke Vibert's Nuggets, and the ingeniously titled follow-up, Luke Vibert's Further Nuggets. I immediately downloaded them from iTunes once I got home, along with a CD I'd been listening to but on the fence about buying, "La Revancha del Tango" by Gotan Project. That album definitely has a stronger Latin essence, but it falls into the same general genre, which I'm finding more and more to my liking these days. So, to recap, go buy (or at least listen to) the following albums:

Various Artists - Barry 7's Connectors
Various Artists - Barry 7's Connectors 2
Various Artists - Luke Vibert's Nuggets
Various Artists - Luke Vibert's Further Nuggets
Gotan Project - La Revancha del Tango

You won't be sorry. :) I also highly recommend any albums by David Holmes, the composer largely responsible for much of the music you hear in the "Ocean's" trilogy. He seems to follow George Clooney around, as he also did the musical tracks for the movie "Out Of Sight" (which, with Clooney and Holmes, is obviously one of my favorites).

Anyway, back to the game. I said last time that I would talk about the people I play with this time, partially at the prodding of one particular individual but mostly because I feel that the people I play with are the reason I still play, and not so much for the actual gameplay, which I could easily become bored with -- Aquarius and whatnot. I'm gonna use in-game names, since that is the prevalent way to address someone and I actually don't know many of these people's real names. I'll start with my coworker, who I mentioned briefly in the previous post. Until the expansion, he played primarily a mage named Icystar. He was the sole reason I eventually rolled a mage, as I was completely enamored with the damage capabilities of that class. What is most hilarious now is that my mage is actually better geared than his, since he has focused all of his attention on his shaman, Wildbeast, once the expansion arrived. He has since regretted that decision, as he says shamans are the most gimped class in the game, and makes his opinion known on the WoW forums with great regularity. Back when I was new to the game, he was very helpful in teaching me things about the game, and we would often have lengthy conversations at work, discussing strategy and exchanging suggestions for improvement. He is responsible for making me the decent player I am today, I think. It's always nice when other players commend you on your skill, and that's a common occurrence for me. I know that's tooting my own horn, so to speak. A little confidence in something you're good at is not the same as being a cocky little bastard though, which a great number of the WoW population has shown him or herself to be, displaying next to no skill whatsoever and basically making life hard for the people who DO know what they're doing. He is in a respectable raiding guild, Regnat Populus, and has maintained an open invitation for me to join anytime I like. Before I began raiding, I was worried that I would not be up to their standards and therefore was hesitant to join the guild. I eventually ended up joining Cake and Death because it seemed more casual and although I left a few months later to join Origin (my current guild), I felt like that was the right decision at that time to give me a good introduction to raiding without feeling the weight of heavy pressure to perform at a high level all the time. Unfortunately, my coworker's playing time has been cut down significantly due to his imminent fatherhood, so I rarely get to see him online much these days, but as I have taken the plunge into PvP in recent months, I try to do a few PvP matches with him when I can.

In Cake and Death, I met several people who I still interact with on a regular basis. Fenriss (the Karazhan main tank at the time) and his RL friend Wuntvor (a rogue who, like me, prefers doing things on his own because "most other people are idiots") are two such people. We all have multiple 70's, as well as some lower level toons we're leveling, and as such have done many things in game as a group. Fen and Wunt, as they are known to me, are insanely good at finding out things about the game that most people don't know, like a mouseover macro for applying Sunder Armor as a warrior for example. What I really like about them is that they are similar to me in that they have a fondness for old world reputation, such as Argent Dawn and Zandalar Tribe, which means I have people who will do Zul'Gurub or Stratholme with me if I need things out of those instances (mostly Large Brilliant Shards for enchants, beyond the obvious rep). This rep is mostly antiquated now, as the rewards that were reputation based were aimed at level 60 characters, but even the epic items are quickly replaced after reaching the Outlands part of the world. As such, most players have no interest in grinding this rep. Suffering from being both a perfectionist and a mild case of OCD (I may go into more detail about that another time), this rep is important to me for no reason other than I like looking at, for instance, Qi's armory page and scrolling through the reputation to see nearly half of all the bars say "999/1000 Exalted". It makes me happy, but I can't explain why. But yes, these two guys, who also stay up late since they are fellow West Coasters like myself, are both competent players and a pleasure to chat with in game. The three of us actually have our own channel that we use to communicate in game, where Fen complains about the idiots that grace Cake and Death these days, Wunt shares his latest find as far as loopholes in the game are concerned, and I am left both amused and intrigued.

Within the guild, there are a few people I really enjoy playing the game with. The first being Ros. I call him Ros because that's how I met him, his priest Roslyn. This guy is the single most competent player I've ever met, and he is good at a number of different classes. The guy has at least 5 70's that I know about... on this server. Apparently several of the guys play toons on another server, Stormreaver. I stay relegated to Earthen Ring, except when it's down, I mess around with some lowbies on Alleria or Madoran. I'd thought about making some characters on Khadgar, since that's the realm I started on, but that would probably be a bad idea. Anyway, Ros... he also plays a paladin named Celinda, who is a terrific healer. He is one of the best I've met. I know he has a 70 druid, hunter, and warlock as well, although he doesn't play them as often. I'm sure he'd be amazing at all of them though, he just comes off as the type of player who is good at whatever he does. You might even say he's a role model for me (as he should be for all players) because he knows what he's doing all the time and he almost never makes mistakes. I enjoy listening to him in vent, he is always mellow but focused. He is an excellent raid leader as well because he's smart about the instances and he doesn't dawdle, which is great because with an instance like Karazhan, I just want to get through it as quickly as possible since our guild has it on farm status by now. If he ever decided to leave the guild, I would probably follow him wherever he went (assuming he would let me). I have nothing but respect for him.

Lynnsenaria -- Lynn -- is another one of my favorites in the guild. Like Ros, I also like listening to her in vent. She has been one of the guild's primary tanks (and thus a role model for my own druid tank) and is just a very likable personality. Friendly, helpful, unselfish... pretty much everything you'd want out of a guildmate. She is the guild's resident jewelcrafter, and offers to cut gems whenever she is online, which is convenient, since my own jewelcrafter is still working on obtaining all of the recipes. Another feral druid in the guild, Sandar, is one of the funniest people I've met in the game. He is a terrific PvP player, a pretty good tank as well, and he keeps me quite entertained anytime I do an instance run with him. People tend to dump on him quite a lot, but he takes it all in stride and in spite of it, he is actually a very good player and those remarks are mostly unfounded or made in jest.

Krusathorn, or Krusa, is the guild leader. He and I have never had any major conflicts, but others have clashed with him and it has resulted in people ultimately leaving the guild. There is some speculation from people that he is trying to grab all the marbles, figuratively speaking, and if people don't like how he does things, they are shown the door. I don't see it that way personally, but it may be more in that I usually go about my business and really only interact with him during raids or 5 mans. He can be a bit overbearing at times, but it's not in my nature to get flustered easily. I'm a patient, easy-going guy... It would take a lot of personally pointed (and probably unsubstantiated) criticism from him for me to consider alternate guild options. As I said above, I like many of the people in the guild, and although some people will disagree, it's not too hard to simply turn the other cheek and carry on as usual if the alternative is whining because someone stepped on your feet and coming to the conclusion that the only possible option is leaving the guild. That being said, I do know of specific instances where he has made himself unavailable to talk to about issues with the guild, despite stating in a recent forum post that he was completely open to talking about any issues that might come up. I do not have respect for people who say one thing and mean another. It shows a lack of integrity, it shows a lack of trustworthiness, and it's disrespectful to all persons involved. So Krusa, while he is not the horrible monster some people make him out to be, is not in the same class as the others mentioned above, and my feelings towards him are generally neutral at this point.

And last, but definitely not least (not even close), is Hamartia. She has been an absolute pleasure to meet and get to know over the past months. We met when we were both in Cake and Death, she was leveling her shadow priest by the same name to 70 around the same time I was doing so with my mage. This is why she knows me primarily as Qi (or "Little Seven", I've discovered). We both did the Karazhan attunement quests together, and although she ended up leaving Cake and Death shortly thereafter, we had been chatting here and there and when she joined Origin, I even did a few instances with her and the guild. They were apparently enthralled by my ability and wanted me to join the guild (especially with the warlock, as they were sorely lacking at the time). I struggled with the decision to leave Cake and Death, but ultimately realized that it was the right decision. Even though she may have had some influence in my choosing to leave, it was largely due to my own progression through the game and wanting to play the game with a more experienced group of people. As Krusa once said, it is my 15 dollars a month and if I'm paying it, I should enjoy what I'm getting out of it. For a while, we raided Karazhan together and I really enjoyed it -- not only because she's a joy to be around, but because shadow-spec destruction warlocks and shadow priests naturally complement each other. She became known as the guild ninja after accidentally looting an item I had rightfully won ("Best 5 gold I ever made" according to her, referring to the vendor price) but obviously, I had no hard feelings about it afterwards, because I knew her well enough by then to know that she has no malicious intent, at least not when it comes to me. I still jab her about it every now and then though :)

One of the equally endearing and annoying things about Hama is that she is constantly lost. As such, anytime we are in a group, Hama will often set her character to auto-follow me and leave the travel work up to me. I may or may not have got her caught on a rock on purpose at some point. But at least I haven't been mean enough to run her off a cliff and pop into flight form to save my own hide... yet. ;) Also, there is a three hour time gap between where we live (this is what I get for playing on an East Coast server) so it can be a challenge to play with her during the week, since I will often be playing until 11pm or midnight Pacific time, well past the time she has gone to bed. I can sense it, when she starts yawning in game, it seemingly indicates she's bored, uninterested, or exhausted... or some combination of all three. It is frustrating at times, especially if I'm on a roll trying to accomplish something and, though no fault of her own, she is too tired to continue. That is just a byproduct of our geographical differences. But take this with a grain of salt -- I truly adore playing with her. Trading everything from sharp wit to personal stories, I am always happy to see her online and to have a conversation with her. Always one of the best parts of my day. I think what makes it so enjoyable to associate with her is that she and I are very much alike in many ways, and she too has made mention of this in her own blog (unbeknown to me until recently). At least I think she has... it's pretty tricky trying to decipher meaning when translating Chinese to English via Babelfish. When she did the same thing, she laughed at great length. Apparently the translation engine is pretty sub-par. So I'm never really sure what she means when reading her blog ("beats the chest to spit blood", wth?) but she was nice enough to explain it to me, mostly. The fact that she even writes about me warms my heart though. So Hama, when you read this, don't forget to translate it to Chinese first then try to figure out what I'm saying. :)

After a while, we both decided to try starting new characters. Her choice was a shaman, mine a druid. Starting completely from the beginning, and over several months, we leveled our characters up together. Doing the same quests, running the same instances, etc. We even created our own guild (mostly for utilization of the guild bank feature?). Now, both are level 70's and again, we complement each other so well -- her, a healer type, and me, a tank. Finding three DPS classes to fill in for an instance is a piece of cake, so we can essentially punch out own ticket anywhere now. Currently, both of us are in the process of gearing up to do Karazhan, doing instances in the meantime for rep gains and better gear. She was the first one to get an epic piece, although I think at this time I'm leading the epic gear race, 2 to 1, thanks to my interest in PvP (epic shoulders) and my relentless will to get exalted with the Cenarion Expedition faction, in order to obtain one of the best feral druid tanking weapons in the game. Most of the remaining epic upgrades will come via Karazhan drops or badge loot (and from what I hear, there are tons of goodies to be had from badges for feral druids).

EDIT: I mistakenly forgot that Hama's shaman had won two pieces last week in Karazhan so she was actually leading the epix race, 3-2, until last night when I picked up my PvP gloves. Working on getting a sweet new belt made soon as well.

There are several other people that I interact with regularly in game, but none of them really earn a mention because either they are just a miniscule part of my WoW experience, or I don't have anything nice to say about them and don't particularly want to make waves.

This was a good use of my time at work... time to go home and play with some of my friends. :)

My Other World, Part One

2008-03-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

This one is gonna reveal my nerdiness a little, beware. :) It will also be a two part entry, since the next part will be more about the people I play with rather than the game itself.

As long as I can remember, I've been in love with video games. I've been using a computer since I was 4 (21+ years, omg) and I had my first Nintendo in 1988. The progression through console systems was my main focus: Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, XBOX... I played some computer games, but mostly solo stuff, as that was my personality growing up. I was almost exclusively into sports games, mostly basketball or baseball, and I like to think I was very good at some of them (I'm unbeatable in NBA Action '95 for Sega, ask my cousin Eric). Never really got into multi-player online games until I moved to California and was introduced by a girl I was seeing at the time to a devil game known as World of Warcraft.

At first, I had no clue what I was doing -- a n00b in every sense of the word. Even the girl was having trouble teaching me. Out of all the classes I could've chosen to play, I picked a warrior as my first character. This was a poor choice but of course, hindsight is 20/20. After discovering that the warrior was a very difficult class to begin with, I created a priest and decided to try that out. That was also a bad idea, as priests at that time were generally only useful for healing and nothing else. The girl refused to help me as I attempted to solo my way through quests and learning the ins and outs of the game, and became frustrated with me whenever I asked for help. Truly the sign of a strong relationship huh? After we split, I was very much not interested in the game and considering giving it up altogether, but I had just got hired at my current job and discovered that one of my coworkers had been playing for years. I started a new character (again, a priest) on his server and he began teaching me all about playing the game. After a few weeks of playing the priest, I decided I wanted to try something different. A class designed purely for the sake of doing damage. Thus, Fibonacci the warlock was born. This name was chosen purely because of the girl who showed me this game, as her characters were in a guild named "Fibonacci Sequence". However, I had been so impressed with my coworker's level 60 (the max level at the time) mage with all his area of effect spells, I decided to roll a mage as well. Naming him Qi with the intent that it would be pronounced "Kai" was confusing for anyone who came across him, as it not only defies English pronunciation rules, but qi, I later found out, is actually a Chinese word meaning "life force". Characters (or toons, as they are called) that would follow included a rogue, a warrior, then various hunters, shamans, paladins, and druids that I would at one point or another delete because I became bored with the class. I eventually leveled the priest to 60, but was worthless as an actual healer, so I spent the remainder of my days before the heralded expansion in January 2007 leveling up a few other characters. My coworker was often busy raiding in instances or pvping (that's Player Versus Player for those who don't know) so I didn't really know many other people who could help me. I had tried joining guilds before, but most of them were full of blithering idiots who I felt were regressing my learning experience.

I should interject here and say that, without a little background knowledge of the game, you likely won't understand a lot of what I'm talking about. If that's the case, you might be better served doing something else with your time. I'm too lazy to explain the game's intrinsics. If you actually want to know more, I recommend checking out WoWWiki.

Anyway, once the expansion arrived, I had lost all faith in my ability to play the priest with any competence so in spite of the priest being at max level and none of my other toons being higher than 44 (Fibonacci), I put all my effort into leveling the warlock to the new and current level cap of 70. This did not take long, and my mage was soon to follow. Acuario, my priest, was still just 61 at the time both the warlock and mage hit 70. At that time though, I decided I would like to give healing another shot, so I slowly and surely leveled the priest and before I knew it, he was 70 also. The aforementioned rogue has been camped at level 41 for at least a year now, I've lost all interest in playing him and he is likely marked for deletion once I get another character's leatherworking skill high enough. I leveled the warrior from 1 to 53 in a couple short weeks, but lost interest once it became apparent that I couldn't do good damage and had no idea how to tank, which is mostly all warriors are good for, I've found out. I also toyed with some Horde characters -- all of my toons had been Alliance up to that point -- but lost interest in that as well (stupid short American attention span). I've now actually leveled a druid (Jive) all the way to 70, but leveled with someone else which made it not only easier but much more enjoyable.

The beauty of this game (or perhaps the pratfall, if you see it that way) is that once you're done with the grind to level from 1 to 70, a whole new set of challenges opens up at 70 to keep you entertained. The game consists largely of 5 man instances, varying in difficulty according to your level (starting in the early teens and progressing all the way up through exclusively level 70 content), and finding a good group of people to do these instances with, be it the relatively simple 5 man stuff or the 10 or 25 (or even 40) man raids, is a rare treat and makes it so much more satisfying to group with people who know what they're doing. In the end, it's just a game and nothing to get frustrated over, but where the sports games I played had a definitive start and end, this game seemingly has no end in sight until I decide to hang it up. I've spent many hours playing this game since moving to California, and while I don't know for certain if that will continue after my move back to Oregon, I do know that the negligible monthly cost of playing is much cheaper than money I would spend weekly going out to bars or movies or whatever. So I guess I justify it by saying I'm saving money. We believe what we tell ourselves, don't we...

If you are interested in seeing what I'm talking about, which probably no one is, here are links my characters within Blizzard's application that allows you to see an overview of each character in the game:

Fibonacci, level 70 Destruction Warlock
Qi, level 70 Arcane/Frost Mage
Acuario, level 70 Holy Priest
Jive, level 70 Feral Druid
Domini, level 63 Protection Warrior
Kema, level 56 Beast Mastery Hunter
Divisi, level 40 Retribution Paladin
Liriana, level 23 Elemental Shaman
Presidio, level 17 Elemental Shaman (mostly used as a bank toon)

Anyway, I'll talk more about the people I play with and how they've made the game so enjoyable (or not enjoyable in some peoples' cases) for me the next time I write.

Oh, and go listen to something by Giampiero Boneschi. Now. :) Here is a Youtube video using his music. The video leaves a lot to be desired, but the music is what you should watch it for. My recommendation is to go buy/download this album which contains several fantastic tracks by the aforementioned artist, as well as several others. What does this have to do with World of Warcraft? I have vivid memories questing in Darkshore while listening to this album, in particular "Sisy" and "Oakum" by Mr. Boneschi and "Omnicidio Per Vocazione". Those of you who enjoyed Ocean's Twelve may recognize "Rito a Los Angeles" and "Margaret" from the movie (which is how I discovered this amazing piece of musical bliss).

My Mother, The Prophet

2008-03-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

This one will be kind of all over the place. Lots to say, and lots of hours to do it with -- stuck on swing shift today and tomorrow @ work...

First of all, props to Grant High School for winning the Oregon Class 6A Basketball Championship. The basketball team was never really any good when I went there, but it's great to see them accomplish such an outstanding goal. Go Generals!

Link: Grant Wins State Title

Ok, so it's a little outdated. It's hard to keep up with Oregon stuff living in California. For instance, I'm a big Blazer fan, but I rarely get to see a game living in the Bay Area, even on TV. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you see it), that will be changing shortly...

I moved to California in March 2006, a few months after finishing my business degree at the University of Oregon. With no job, very few friends, and barely a place to live, I packed everything I could into my tiny little Infiniti G20 and motored south. Some said I was ambitious and bold to take that risk; others said I was insane. My primary motivation was to start the next chapter of my life post-college, and having spent the entirety of it to that point in Oregon, moving elsewhere was a logical progression. I ultimately chose the bay area for its amicable weather, diverse population, and plethora of job opportunities in an industry that I originally thought I would easily mesh with.

When I left, my mom left me with a statement of prophetic proportions: "You will be back someday." I said, and reiterated several times over the past 24 months, "Not a chance in hell!" Nothing against the state of Oregon, the people I know and care for who live there, or the stupid crappy weather, but California has proved itself superior in every aspect to this point. Where once I faced the depression of cold, gray, rainy skies, I now see warmth and sunshine on a daily basis. I've never been the type of person who had tons of friends, which is why I guess I felt like moving hundreds of miles away from where I grew up, things wouldn't be much different. I was never that great at making friends prior to college, being a total introvert and often experiencing symptoms of social anxiety (it was a major leap for me to ask my first girlfriend out to junior prom), but college seemed to remedy that. That self-confidence carried over to the Sunshine State, where within two short weeks of my arrival, I met someone who I still have dreams about to this day, as well as became part of a core group of friends after finding work. I've even dated more women in the two years since I've moved here than I ever did in Oregon. I still don't make friends at a prolific rate like true socialites, but then I prefer a smaller, closer group of friends anyway. To that end, it is indeed ironic that my preference for a tight-knit group -- which I had back in Oregon while in college -- is one of the biggest reasons I have decided to return.

That's right.

"Nice the prodigal son has returned" was the comment left by my buddy Ryan on my Facebook wall after I broke the news through that medium. I never knew that prodigal meant "recklessly extravagant" until I looked it up, although that certainly is fitting given my California lifestyle of late. That, along with the nice weather, is something that I will be forced to give up in my return. And believe me when I say this, this decision was NOT an easy one to make. I'd been struggling with it for a while, and this sentiment is the same one I have echoed to every single person who has asked me why I'm leaving California.

The target weekend for my return, for those interested, is May 9th-11th. I'm absolutely thrilled to be moving back to where so many of my friends now live, but with the newfound gift of making friends here comes the sadness in knowing that I'm leaving many of them here in California.

Friends, although a big one, are not the only reason I decided to move though. I had high hopes of beginning my career when I moved down here, and although a large part of that burden falls on no one else's shoulders but my own, I feel like my current position has not given me any feeling of accomplishment, nor has it hinted at any potential for advancement. As a matter of fact, it was declared a few months ago that part of our company was being sold off. How's that for job security? Regardless of what happens with my team, whether we are sold or not, moved or not, shitcanned or not, I've noticed (as I'm sure many others have) that I've been nothing short of complacent and almost lethargic at work. I do what is asked of me, but without seeing a road map for moving up, and having been doing the same monotonous work day in and day out for nearly two years, I just can't handle it anymore. There is a saying in the movie Office Space where Peter states that the fear of losing one's job only makes them work just hard enough not to get fired. Truer words were never spoken. Yes, someone has to do this job, but there are invariably dozens of people out there who would love nothing more than to do what I do for a living. I would know -- one of my co-workers actually loses sleep over this job, so it's safe to say he's passionate about what he does. I, unfortunately, am not. And that's why I realized that if I'm not happy doing what I'm doing, a change is necessary.

I always intended to go back to school for my Master's degree at some point, but never knew what it was I wanted to study (MBA is out -- I've had absolutely enough of the non-stop business speak and the brown-nosing, ass-kissing, backstabbing, self-centered nature of middle managers). At many points throughout college and after, I'd often found myself thinking about how I should have studied something more interesting during my first undergraduate studies. One of the recurring subjects that I considered was architecture. I think a large roadblock to me switching majors in college from business to architecture was that I had met several people via the business school who I now consider to be very good friends and the prospect of switching majors meant less time spent with those people. Taking into consideration my desire to make new friends juxtaposed with my aversion to talking to people, the route I was on was in my best interests at that time. I don't regret that at all. But now that I've made some friends who I consider to be people I will remain close to for the rest of my life, I can more easily be independent in my studies and find something that I am passionate about in order to TRULY begin my career. So my plan at this point is to return to school in summer of 2009 and finish my Masters of Architecture by 2012. Hard to believe I will be 29 by that point. Still young in the eyes of many, but you start creeping up on that 30 year benchmark and you instinctively start evaluating your life, in terms of how much success you've had. Defining success if not always easy, but I know I wouldn't define success as a job that I'm unhappy with.

Random interlude: I also wanted to mention that "Lux Aeterna" from Requiem For A Dream is possibly the most captivating song I've ever heard. I've been listening to it while writing this entry, intermingled with a few others. My daily perusing of Youtube has yielded several incredible videos (mostly of games like Final Fantasy or anime -- things I don't know much about nor have a great deal of interest in) with this song as the background. Absolutely fascinating. People do some really amazing stuff with AMV's... I saw another one a few days ago with a song by Our Lady Peace entitled "Right Behind You" which was fabulous, both because I love the song and I loved the video.

46 days (give or take) left in my first foray into life outside of Oregon. I always thought that if I moved back to Oregon, it would be considered a failure. No one else sees it that way though, and even I'm starting to see that doing what is best for me is far more important than worrying about what people will think. But just as my mom was correct in saying that I'll return to Oregon, allow me to make my own prophetic declaration: I will be back. Maybe not soon, but someday.

A Brighter Future?

2008-03-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a disappointment to me.

I had high hopes about Tuesday's Democratic primaries in Texas, Ohio, and etc. Politics never interested me until college. I was only a few months shy of being eligible to vote in the 2000 presidential election, but after witnessing Bush's handiwork for four years, I became more conscious of some political issues going on in the United States as well as worldwide. In 2004, I felt strongly anti-Bush, but my coverage of the election was pretty lethargic and though I did end up voting for John Kerry, I felt like the political momentum was still firmly in the Republican camp. Bush was re-elected and we've endured four more years of his ineptitude. But that era is finally coming to an end and it seems like many Americans, not unlike myself, have taken a lot more steps to become aware of the campaigns this year. I've read stories about record turnouts for voters in some states, which is promising because voter turnout is essential to the democratic process. The closer a democratic nation comes to achieving 100% voter turnout (which will never happen in this country), the more accurate the nation's voice as a whole is heard.

For the record, I am a Barack Obama supporter. I find him incredibly inspirational and motivating to listen to, I feel that he offers a strong sense of hope for the next four year and beyond, and above all else, given the options available, I believe he is the most likely candidate to give this country what it truly needs: Change. Change from the tired, played-out politics that have been evident since the day I was born (yes, I was born in the midst the dreaded Reagan era). William Jefferson Clinton aside, I have seen nothing but war mongering, money hoarding, corrupted politicians in our highest position of national power. Don't get me wrong; there was plenty wrong with Clinton's presidency as well. I'm sure there will be many many things that Obama will potentially do that I disapprove of should he earn the presidential nomination. After all, you can't please all the people all of the time. For example, I'm supportive of same sex marriages, but none of the candidates remaining on the ballot go further than supporting same sex civil unions. I still can't understand why so many politicians will allow same sex civil unions, but defining them as "marriage" is crossing the line somehow. I'm not a marriage expert, but I would like to learn more about what the differences are between a civil union and a marriage and why those differences are causing such a stir amongst Democrats and Republicans alike.

Anyhow, the tide seems to be turning towards the Democratic party this year, with much support behind both Obama and Hilary Clinton. The Republican party, meanwhile, seems to be in disarray and many conservatives have voiced their discontent with John McCain as the Republican nominee (this was confirmed after last night's primaries as McCain clinched the required number of delegates to earn the GOP nomination).

Hmm, on a side note... I looked up GOP on Wikipedia and began reading up on Reagan's administration, notably the Iran-Contra scandal. It is dumbfounding to me how our government was allowed to both sell weapons to Islamic extremists in Iran, then send the money to known terrorist groups in Nicaragua. Yes, some people involved were indicted and later convicted of crimes, but many of those people were later pardoned by Bush Sr. who coincidentally served as Reagan's VP... hmmm. Food for thought. I also have very strong negative feelings about the Savings and Loan scandal that occurred during Reagan's presidency, as it potentially has close ties to a major event that happened in my life (which I will not talk about here).

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I followed the election counts on CNN.com all night and even though I anticipated Clinton's victory in Ohio, I was secretly hoping Obama would overachieve more than he did. I was more disappointed with the Texas primary, as well as the caucus. Obama, as you probably know, has performed very well in caucuses across the nation so I was having no doubts about Obama's chances at winning a majority of delegates in that state. The totals aren't completely tallied as of yet, so he still may come out ahead, but a decisive victory in both states would've put considerable pressure on Clinton to reconsider her campaign's chances. After all, it's no wonder Republican pundits want people to throw their support behind Clinton, as she appears not only more defeatable than Obama when matched up against McCain (and the polls show this) but the longer a Democratic nomination race drags out, the less time the eventual Democratic nominee has to prepare for the actual presidential election, which is only 8 short months from now. If the Democratic Party hopes to regain control of the White House, it is going to take a unified group to stand behind their nominee, while taking advantage of a Republican opponent that is not favored highly by the very conservative members of his own party.

Current CNN estimates have Obama with a 96 delegate lead, including superdelegates. Both are still well short of clinching the party nomination though. The discouraging thing is that even though Obama is projected to win the Texas caucuses, his margin of victory at this time is only 52-48. Clinton only gained 4 delegates on Obama from the Texas primary, so while that was technically a loss, it was not crippling to the Obama campaign, whereas Ohio was a much more decisive victory in Clinton's favor.

I still have strong convictions that Obama will be the Democratic Party's nominee to run against John McCain, despite not winning convincingly enough to end Clinton's bid for the nomination. Next up: Wyoming. Pennsylvania still looms large, it will be interesting to see how Obama campaigns to earn votes from the Keystone State.

What do you think about the elections? Are you following them closely or somewhat indifferent about them? If you like, feel free to leave comments about your choice for the Democratic nomination... My personal candidate choice notwithstanding, I'm very open-minded about this election and would love to hear both sides of the debate.

The Spark

2008-03-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps.

I hate introductions. I find them uncomfortable and boring. When I wrote papers in school, I never had a problem writing the main points. My roadblocks existed at the beginning and end of said papers. You will notice that in my blog entries as well. I tend to jump right into whatever it is I'm writing about, and end the post without notice. But hey, I'm not writing a thesis, right?

So over the past couple weeks, I've had this interesting revelation about my love life. Currently, I'm single (for simplicity's sake -- no need to elaborate, methinks) and not having any serious regrets about it. I'm only 25, and although I've been feeling a growing desire lately to dive headlong into family life, I'm not concerned in the least that things won't work out in the end. Life has yet to let me down on the big scale so far, so I have an idea that the status quo will be maintained.

Nevertheless, I went on a date on Valentine's Day which was fun. The girl was friendly, attractive, funny, interesting... you know, things most of us look for in a potential partner. It wasn't incredibly awkward considering it was mostly a blind date (we were setup by a coworker of mine) and it seemed like there was a good chance of a second date at the end of the night. Turned out that it wasn't meant to be, but that's not why I'm writing. Everyone talks about that spark that you have when you meet someone and can just sense an instant attraction. Any tension that someone might normally have when first unwrapping oneself to a new person is gone, any hesitation about what is alright to talk about is non-existent, and you feel like you could spend hours, days, months, years with this person and never get tired of their presence. Granted, that can all change in the blink of an eye, and I say this with conviction because it happened to me. But that spark, that essence of compatibility, is what was glaringly missing from this date. So the date was not a failure, per se, because it seemed like both of us were having a good time. It just seemed like this girl falls into the friend category more than anything. There's nothing wrong with that. You try to force yourself into love and you'll likely end up with nothing but heartbreak.

I had a conversation with my mom the other day that led me to this stunning epiphany. I was telling her how the date went and how it was fun, but how it didn't have that spark that I'm referring to. I then talked about a date I had almost two years ago which, to date, is the one and only time I've ever experienced something like that, and my mom replied "That's what it feels like to be in love."

Obviously, this relationship did not last long-term (for a number of reasons -- that's not the point), but that amazing first date was the distinct high point in my maturing love life thus far. It's no surprise -- anytime you are in love, you are going to hold that moment in very high regard. And I don't hold any ill will towards the girl who made that fantastic date possible anymore -- time has smoothed over that crease for me. For as long as I live, I will never forget how perfect that date was. From meeting her in the Mercado parking lot of the movie theater, to talking over Jamba Juice, to walking through Micro Center looking for nothing in particular, to cooking her an impromptu dinner of fettucine alfredo and Italian sausage at my then-attic residence... it was perfect, like it was scripted out by some higher power, or possibly even a romantic movie scriptwriter. The eventual fallout notwithstanding, I knew from the moment I met her that I had stumbled upon something special. Of course, unrequited love is the story of my life (in more aspects than you can imagine) but after she left, we spoke for hours on IM and she said something to me that not only confirmed her reciprocal feelings for me as well, but also still makes my heart race TO THIS DAY:

"When I got home, my mom said she hasn't seen me smile like that in a long time."

That. That, is the expression of mutual affection. And that perfect date is the proverbial measuring stick against which every single date I have henceforth will be stacked up. It sets a very high precedence, which will be difficult to match. This experience was such a rare one, I would do anything to have that moment back. However, that date taught me a very important life lesson as well: Even though it didn't work out with that specific girl, the potential for love exists and that single experience will prevent me from ever becoming a cynic about love. Anytime I get down about my relationships, or lack thereof maybe, I can always go back to that perfect day and realize that, maybe someday, I can have that again. So I do owe some thanks to that girl for showing me that it's possible to find love.

One thing I want to try, that I never did with my previous blog since that was mostly my own personal form of therapy, is eliciting comments from anyone who may have been fortunate enough to come across this blog (and read this far!). What amazing encounters with love have you experienced? What about them made it so special for you? I think I'll leave comments open to everyone unless I start getting spammed like a mutha...

The First Time Is Always Awkward...

2008-02-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

Well, this is not my first blog, but it's my first post in THIS blog, which I created mostly out of boredom at work, but also because there is a lot about my previous blog that I'd like to leave behind. Deleting years of memories is a hard pill to swallow, but I think I'll be better off as a result.

I can't tell you what to expect out of this blog, if it will be updated with any consistency or if anyone will even read it, but it is my hope that you will not be bored by reading what I have to say. If I wanted to keep this stuff to myself, I wouldn't be writing it online (obviously!).

I have a post in the works, but it's all in my head right now... we'll see if it ever makes it onto e-paper.