New Blog Location

I've been intrigued by Wordpress lately, and finally figured out how to import my blog posts over there. I like the mobile posting capabilities that Wordpress offers which I can't figure out on Blogger. So for those of you who follow this site, please update the link to the following address:

http://fibonaccisequence.wordpress.com/

I'll still update that blog with the same sporadic (ir)regularity that you enjoyed on this blog. :)

Dekindling Flames

Man, there's some stuff on my mind but I don't know how to convey it properly. I'd like people who are unaffiliated and unbiased towards this situation to know what I'm thinking about, but can't figure out how I can tell those people without telling people who I'd rather not know about it. I guess that's the downside to a public blog though, living with the assumption that everyone in the world is reading your blog (even though I know the truth is almost the exact opposite of that!).

Thinking, thinking...

Oh, hell with it. Throwing caution to the wind is fun sometimes.

So I was at this wedding this past weekend, and it was a really fun time. This dude I used to work with and still grab lunch with on occasion got married to this girl he started dating shortly after I started working at VRSN. It was pretty cool to see their relationship go from just starting out dating to married in the span of roughly three years, and listening to some of the stories he told me about his uncertainty about the relationship, or some of the more embarrassing stuff that happened (wife finding tranny porn in a "Nemo" folder on his desktop comes to mind most recently, very few of you will get that reference though). Through all of it, they made it work, and I don't think I've ever seen this guy look as sure that he was making the right decision as he looked when he was up at the altar and thereafter. So congrats to him.

But this post is going to be more narcissistic, unfortunately. A handful of my former coworkers were present at the event, and it was fun getting to chat with them and catch up, as well as see some of their kids or significant others that I had yet to meet. The concern came up when I was asked by one of my old coworkers if I was dating anyone. It's only relevant also because I had been seeing his friend for a while when I lived in California previously, and I wouldn't say it was a serious relationship. I can't recall if I've ever touched on it in this blog, and I don't think I need to go into detail, but let's just say that our get-togethers were exclusively private ones. When I left California, it was implied that things just sorta ended and I had been thinking about it ever since I came back, although not acting on anything, impulses or otherwise. So I didn't feel it was necessary to make my presence known to her directly. However, words travel on the wind with ease. So even despite my best efforts to stay incognito from this girl, my old coworkers obviously knew I was back and so the word spread. Surely she knows, how could she not? But it's not like I've been hearing from her either, so maybe the sun has set on that whole situation, or maybe she feels awkward contacting me after a year of no contact. Theories abound for sure, but it's not really my concern at this point.

At least until Saturday.

So said coworker decides to be the one asking if I'm seeing anyone. I actually did meet someone recently, but I wouldn't say we're dating at this point. So I didn't exactly lie by saying that I had met someone. His response: "Oh... so I guess... no Kimmy... ha... HAHA!..." It was of such an awkward nature that it deviated from even his usual strange social interactions. We both shared a sort of "ha ha" laugh about it and I figured that was gonna be the end of it. Later on in the night, after the dancing started and people were mingling around, he approached me and brought it up in a roundabout way again. What irked me a little about this was that he was sort of inquiring about my relationship with this girl even though he was closer friends with her and should be getting his information from her, not me. I wasn't exactly going around bragging about my relationship, I downplayed it a LOT. I know that might seem disrespectful to the girl (bragging would be equally disrespectful, if not more), but I tried my very best to establish explicit parameters of this relationship with her at the very beginning. If he doesn't know what kind of relationship we had by now, he's probably alone there and just being ignorant. But he's not getting any info out of me. He also made some comment about "if I wasn't seeing someone already" during the night, which seemed more in jest than anything, so I didn't think much of it at the time, but whether or not I'm seeing someone is irrelevant to the fact that I don't want to pursue a further relationship with this other girl.

This is the point where I might REALLY regret writing this. Because even though I feel like the rules were put in place at the beginning, people change and their feelings change, and it's not right to just assume that she feels the same way now as she said she did then. My feelings, for the record, are unchanged. Times haven't really changed as they relate to this situation. It has absolutely crossed my mind, several times, to contact her and maybe see how it plays out. But in my mind, I already know how it will play out. I've had a year to think about it, and in that time, my only conclusion was that it was destructive for me, and she probably wasn't that happy with the status of the relationship either. So to go back to her would only give her false hope (OK, I KNOW that makes me sound like a self-aggrandizing douchebag, bear with me though) and would make me discontent because I believe I could meet someone who I feel a stronger connection with and have a deeper relationship. Even though some dudes would do it just for the action, that's not really my thing. Maybe back in college, but not anymore. The whole wedding scene reinforced that philosophy in a subtle way. Not that I'm ready to marry, but I'm definitely ready to meet someone I COULD marry. Or at least have a relationship with depth, one that proves I'm at the point in life where I want to have someone that close to me for the long term, which would lead to the notion that I am ready for marriage. It's been a long time since I've been known colloquially to friends and family to be in a serious relationship, as it's really just been a series of flings (of varying length and intensity) to this point since high school. I think it's gotten to the point where my friends and family are sort of pulling for me, because they feel like I deserve something with more substance. I agree with them, but it's never really been a priority to date someone seriously for a long amount of time. I guess the times are changing after all.

Like I said though, I was serious about having met someone recently. Hopefully I'll have more to say about that soon. :)

Not Satisfied

They say to eat good, yo, you gotta swallow your pride But dead that game plan, I'm not satisfied. ~ J-Live "Satisfied"

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about "slumming it" recently that I felt applied directly to my current situation. To elaborate, "slumming it" is a phrase coined by his friend to describe "how insanely overqualified we were to perform the specific tasks we've been hired to do." After reading this yesterday, I was walking around Safeway thinking about how it pertained to my own life. Sometime in between picking out some bananas and a fresh mango for dinner (it only sounds grim, folks) and getting hit on by some guy in the shampoo aisle, I realized that I have a very valuable asset to offer employers: unwavering confidence in my ability to perform any task asked of me.

To that effect, I reached an inference that if I can do anything I am asked to do, that immediately makes it simple and over-qualifies me for that job. In the real world, this is not true, and I know this and employers know this. That's why they list a bunch of other requirements (x years of related work experience, proficiency in specific technical skills, etc.) in order to sort of validate their selection of a candidate for a job. I would propose that not everyone is as capable of adapting to their work environment as I am, but that would be kind of bold to say. Still, finding a rewarding job, in this economy especially, without possessing several of the requirements that employers ask for makes finding something that would both challenge me and hold my interest very difficult. Even the job I spent over three weeks interviewing for (and ultimately being passed over for another candidate) felt like it would be a challenge to learn the ropes at first, and the stress of constant deadlines would always exist, but after mastering the tasks and establishing a way to manage deadlines, I would fall back into that mindset that I was doing a job that was beneath me. Of course, we'll never know for sure now since I didn't get it, but personal speculation is part of the reason I blog.

Every job I've held to this point has felt like something any idiot could do. I feel like everything I've done so far that would improve my opportunities has been for naught. Obviously, the jobs I had in high school and college were just for the purpose of gaining experience. But for example, when working at my last job in California, someone was hired to perform the same job functions as me. She was a recent high school graduate. So naturally, this implied that even a high school kid could do this job. And it was true -- I'm pretty sure a well-trained monkey could've done my job, except for the phone calls. The challenge was gone after learning the process within a week. And I ended up working there for two years, mostly for the nice paycheck. I always joked around with other friends of mine that I was being grossly overpaid for the amount of work I had to do. I'd never bring it up to management of course, but that kind of job is so destructive because you can get stuck into a rut where you're just content to be bringing home a nice chunk of change without the satisfaction of accomplishing something worthwhile at your job, or feeling like you're an indispensable part of a team, where the results would suffer if you were absent or not performing up to par. That's ultimately what drove me to leave. For the most part, I worked with a bunch of great people. They are the reason I stuck with it as long as I did, not the money. What compounds the problem is that the opportunities to advance seemed extremely limited due to several peripheral factors, not the least of which was rampant corruption and nepotism throughout the middle management ranks in my business unit, as well as enduring a revolving door of managers.

A different friend of mine once told me I was crazy to leave that job, making that much money, when she works two jobs and makes about half of what I made. In honesty, it was more a show of pride than anything else. I left that job for my own self-respect. That job was below me, and I knew it only a few weeks in. That is not intended as a slight at all against my old coworkers whatsoever. The job just didn't hold my interest enough to force me to work as hard as I know I am capable of working. At the time though, I was young(er), new to the area, and unemployed, so I took what I could get. These days, money isn't what motivates me. Yea, it's nice to have enough money to buy the things you need and maybe a little more for the few things you want. But it's not satisfying to have a bunch of nice things if you don't feel like you did something worthy of earning those things. I'm pretty sure I've touched on this before, but my ideal job will challenge me every day, but still be enjoyable. For example, sales would be a challenging position for me, but I don't get my kicks from peddling wares to strangers without regard for whether or not they actually need whatever it is I'm selling, so that's out.

To summarize, I don't want a job where I am essentially taught how to do a trick and then commanded to go perform it over and over. That might work for some people, but not for me. This is where my pride gets in the way. But with the economy in the dump and the increased cost of living in the bay area, the need for stable income has approached and passed the need to remain proud. I'm not saying settling for a job at the local Mickey D's is the answer. But I understand that I may have to scale back my expectations for my next job, swallow my pride, and take whatever I can get. I'm not beholden to anyone, and there's no job out there that is going to force me to stay longer than I want to stay. I can live without challenge or job satisfaction for a while but it still has to be building towards something. Experience is clearly what I'm lacking right now, not ambition. Whatever I end up doing for work has to prove to be useful for future employment ventures. My pride can only dip so far before it plateaus.

Man, I was on a roll earlier, bangin this post out, but I kind of lost steam. So I guess that's it for now. Stay tuned for job-related updates soon, hopefully.

Falsely Altruistic

One thing Kiwi was right about -- the rolling hills east of San Jose/Milpitas are breathtaking. There's a fantastic view when driving either way on 880 or coming south (which is east, technically) on 280. I could probably look at it all day, especially on a day like today with cloud cover threatening to rain but patches of blue sky and the sunlight illuminating the hills.

Job status in limbo since my 4/23 interview-a-thon, with not much communication from the recruiter, or anyone else for that matter. Hard to infer if this is good or bad news for me. Just as well, making inferences is rarely a wise thing to do.

Can't believe I've been jobless for six months now. Can't believe I've been living out of my car and traveling around like a tonic peddler for a month now. I am thankful to have such gracious friends who have offered their couches for me on many of the past nights, and owe them my eternal gratitude (as well as a free dinner or something eventually, I imagine). I am acutely conscious of my own presence being a disruption to these friends' lives though. Not in a directly negative way, but more like turbulence on an airplane flight. Their insistence that my free use of their homes is no inconvenience falls deaf on my ears. It is impossible for me to accept that I am not burdening them at least slightly, because even if I'm not causing problems or anything, I may be preventing them from adhering to their typical lifestyle agendas (hey, some people like walking around their house naked, as an example) and that will never sit well with me. So I recognize these peoples' overabundance of hospitality, certainly, but I also recognize the impact I have on their day to day lives, and as the old "Do unto others" saying goes, I wouldn't want someone invading my home indefinitely. This is independent of the fact that I would completely be willing to offer the same accommodations if any of my friends were in my position. If people really wanted extra people living with them, they would advertise it and make them pay rent. Very few people are altruistic enough to say "sure, take up some of my personal space without offering some kind of trade value." Maybe in other parts of the world, but not here in America. Especially not in a place like the Bay Area where housing is at a premium and there is always a surplus of people looking to rent.

Or maybe this philosophy is just a result of my inability to graciously accept another person's help when it is offered, not asked for. That's equally likely (if not more so). A friend of mine told me that it was critically important that I was at least cognizant of my burden on these people, and did not risk crossing the line from graciously accepting someone's hospitality to overstaying my welcome. Many people don't recognize that distinction, but many people aren't as insanely aware of their own existence as well as how that existence affects the people around them as me. -_-

I do understand that I'm blessed to even have such great friends, if I haven't mentioned that already. I might have, it's been a while since I wrote here.

Oh, and I finished "Angels and Demons" in what might be record time for me. A good read, I was captivated throughout most of the book -- which explains why I finished it so fast -- but it was a little predictable after reading "The Da Vinci Code." Not sure what my next book is, Kara gave me a book to read that is similar in theme to "The Da Vinci Code" but by a different author. I like Dan Brown enough that I might give "Deception Point" a try as well. I was dismayed when I went to Borders the other day in search of a new novel and the lady working there told me the two Dan Brown books I'd read were his only two until his new one is released in a month or so. If I was being paid minimum wage to work in a bookstore though, I probably wouldn't be all that thorough with my background knowledge either.

I'm still definitely looking forward to the theatrical release in 10 days, predictability notwithstanding. :)

Back to roommate searching now! And maybe dinner if I'm lenient with myself.

The saga continues

So in my last post, I mentioned something about a three hour interview session with four people at the company I'm applying for work with. That interview went so well that they invited me back for another round of interviews, this time SEVEN interviews stuffed into four hours. That happens in about 2 hours. I'm less nervous about actually interviewing this time around, but concerned with my ability to focus for long stretches.

The stars seem to be in my favor though. My horoscope reads:

What's gotten into you today? You're normally so cool-headed and even detached! But now you're utterly impassioned, in the grips of a relationship or a cause that means a lot to you. What fun! Doesn't it feel good to get so wrapped up in something important? And your conviction will definitely carry over to other people. It's easy to convince someone of something when you feel so strongly about it, yourself.

This interview process has been the most challenging I've faced for any job, but I get the impression that this job is one that is more career-oriented than any position I've held in the past. That was my goal when I left Oregon, to stop meandering through life so aimlessly and start doing something that gave meaning to my life. That's not to say this job is going to become my entire life -- I won't allow it. But logic dictates that the payoff of an endeavor, not just monetarily, is a direct result of the amount of effort required to complete said endeavor. Just getting the job is the first step in that endeavor, and what I'm being told is that this job is essentially mine to lose. I talked to my mom about this for an hour on Tuesday, and she said one thing that really stuck with me: "They already like you, remember that." She's correct, they wouldn't have bothered with completing the background check or inviting me back for more interviews if they thought I wouldn't be a good fit for the position or the company. So today is all about turning the swagger on and removing any doubt.

I guess I'd write more but I didn't wake up at 530a with the intent of blogging. Something tells me I'll have something more interesting to talk about either this afternoon or later this week. ;)

California dreamin'

Haven't written much of substance in the past couple weeks. Part of that has been my deference to Twitter for the purpose of getting out my short thoughts as they come up (I can easily do this from my iPhone -- oh for the love of technology!). Another part has been shuffling around constantly from town to town, and spending whatever time I had to myself focusing on how I could attain employment, and then a place to live, and then the rest of the puzzle pieces in my life that I have yet to figure out how to place correctly. Leaves very little time for blogging. But there's good news abound these days, so I can slow down with the productivity and share my thoughts for once.

In the time since my last blog entry, I had another phone interview, as well as a three hour long face to face interview, all for the same position. I am not a fan of verbal melee, I feel like I can't speak for extended periods of time without getting distracted or losing focus. I don't enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice, I like listening to the sound of other people's voices. Not to mention, I was sitting in the same room for three hours, enough to make anyone feel like an admitted insane asylum citizen. But the end result is they liked me, overall. So it seems I've taken care of the employment problem in just two weeks in California (something I couldn't do in five months in Oregon, albeit for several different reasons). I am waiting for some technicalities to be taken care of before I start working, but I think the interviews are over. Thankfully so, I'd rather not do that again for a while.

The biggest dilemma I'm facing these days is where I'd like to live. It seems like the salary will allow me to live in a place at least as nice as the loft I lived in near downtown San Jose. I'm actually considering that as one of my options. Problem is, San Mateo is much further north than Mountain View, so the commute would be that much longer. I would actually prefer the Caltrain commute to work, instead of driving. Driving to Mountain View was painful enough, and when I went in for my 830a interview, 101 was clogged up in both directions. This led me to believe that living in San Francisco or San Jose (or anywhere in between) would consist of a headache of a commute. Living in San Mateo is also out, I'm not big on suburban residency. So if it comes down to living in San Jose or San Francisco, what is my choice? There's pros and cons to both. San Jose: cheaper and more sun. San Francisco: cooler and more stuff to do for fun. They are only separated by about 45 miles. I wish I was a better decision maker on this kind of stuff, but I think this is a problem many people wouldn't mind having, relatively speaking.

Other things I've been doing lately to fill hours: Reading. A friend of mine gave me a book called "Men With Balls" about the satirical life of professional athletes. Ranges from offensive to hilarious but overall a pretty entertaining read. Not really thought-provoking, but "Angels and Demons" is next on my list before the movie comes out May 15th. Interestingly enough, I did the same thing with "The Da Vinci Code" prior to that theatrical release and I both landed a job and a girlfriend in the short time it took me to read the novel. I wouldn't mind a repeat of that scenario. Why else would I spend so much time at the Mt. View library? (besides the free internet, of course)

I went to see "Duplicity" at the theaters on Easter Sunday. I went by myself, which was a weird experience but I was comfortable with it. The movie was less than I was expecting, mediocre reviews notwithstanding (I don't see movies based on reviews, and do not deviate from this philosophy), but Julia Roberts still captures my heart every time. Clive Owen looks, acts, talks, and all-around exudes douchebag whenever he's on screen, so that brought the movie down for me. I liked the ending though, not what I was expecting. Yay for that.

I also went running again the morning of my interview (waking up at 530a for that) and felt much better than I anticipated I would since I haven't ran in so long. My legs are kinda sore now but I'm glad I can still do a couple miles without doubling over in pain or out of breath. No short-term marathon plans so I think I'll be alright. That would be a nice plus in determining my next home, to be near a place where I can run.

I feel like I had a zillion more things to write, but I probably tweeted about them or just forgot. So that's all I have for now. Maybe I'll try to say more once I get moved in. Shouldn't be too long now. :)

Popularity Contest

Apparently if you google "Yard Sael", my blog is the second entry in the list. This is ok with me because if you google my real name, nothing comes up at all for me other than my Twitter page, and I took steps to fix that. But going back to this blog's namesake, which if I haven't explained already, was borne out of my fascination with the signage posted by some member of the proletariat (or maybe someone with dyslexia). Apparently, this is not as unique as I first thought.

Ok, that last one is the picture I took. But still, it's not exactly a tricky word to spell and yet the misspelling delights me to no end.

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I've only been here six days and already interviewed for a job. Feeling somewhat nervous about it, and was especially nervous on the phone but I hope it didn't come across that way on the other end. The person said I'd have another chance to speak with another person who works at the company soon, so at least it's not an outright rejection. I'm a little superstitious though and I feel like the more I talk about these things before they actually happen, the higher likelihood of me not getting the job. So I'm gonna pipe down now.

So what have I been doing in my abundance of free time here? Mostly looking for work/housing and wasting the daytime hours at coffee shops, libraries, or other places with free wifi that don't mind me spending hours at a time doing work. I <3 Mountain View for the free internet, can't emphasize that strongly enough.

Of course, the downside to public locations is that I have to endure people falling asleep at their laptops and proceeding to snore loudly. Thankfully, I've got headphones but still... damn.

EDIT: I started writing this on Wednesday, but had a second interview for the job today. This one went a lot better for the most part, and it seems like I'm in line to meet with the people face to face for an extended set of MORE interviews (yay?) sometime soon. The stress is aging me horribly, but the prospect of being gainfully employed again should be a rewarding payoff. After that, things will calm down considerably and my biggest worry will be what to do for dinner. That's a problem I'm plenty happy to have. :)

Not missing a beat

Hanging out in Mountain View at Clocktower, leeching free wifi while I look for apartments. The place I had planned on moving into fell through, but fortunately, it seems the desire for roommates is pretty high these days. I've started a list (I don't like lists, fundamentally, but it seems like a good idea in this case) of all the places I received responses from that weren't absurd. Absurd covers everything from moving into a house with a couple and their infant to places that rent for around $700 when I set a pretty clear cap at $500 until I find work. The location is important to me but not as much as following the price guidelines and having roommates who aren't insane.

I had lunch at La Bamba with my old coworker today, and it was every bit as good as I remember. That seems to be the theme of the day though, because I felt like once I arrived back in Mountain View that it was as if I never left. The only difference is that I'm not working at Verisign (a half mile down the road from where I'm sitting). I remembered my way around town just fine. After all, it's only been 11 months. Feels like it was 11 years though. On the more surreal front, when I walked into Clocktower, the lady who runs this place REMEMBERED me. My tattoo likely gave me away, but wow, talk about a steel trap memory.

The drive was mostly ok, pretty boring and I started falling asleep around Redding, which happened last time I drove down here. I guess my range is about 450 miles before I need a break. All in all, about 700 miles traveled yesterday. What was amazing was that the clouds dissipated into sunshine almost on cue as I crossed into California. By the time I reached Redding, it was blazing hot and I needed to take my coat off. That wouldn't happen in Oregon for another couple months. On the plus side, I didn't get pulled over for having expired tags. I have to remember how to drive down here again though, going 75 in the fast lane just doesn't cut it around these parts.

Still toting all my crap around in my car, which is both convenient and annoying. I'm hoping to see a few places around here today and maybe make a decision so as to avoid a trip back to Mill Valley but I might have to wait until the weekend if I'm unlucky. Not much else to say other than I'm sick of driving for a while, but emboldened by the sunshine and the fact that I'm back where I belong. Which means I'm happy. I kinda hope the honeymoon feeling lasts a while, I could use a win in my life right now.

Work to do still, of course, but at least the boring part is finished.

Exhausted

Mentally and physically. But I'm moved out. Now to catch what little sleep I can before the long drive to Cali, waking up at 5, hitting the road by about 615a. Hoping to arrive in the late afternoon/early evening.

I'll probably write more once I get down there. I feel like I'm missing so much stuff now, but it makes me realize how materialistic even I am, and I didn't think I owned all that much stuff!

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Also, I managed to squeeze time in today to take some white roses to the cemetery. It's sad, naturally, but I'm happy in the aftermath that I made time to go. It was important to me.


Dad (Jim) up top, Nana (Marj) on the bottom. Miss both of them immensely.

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Remember to follow my progress on Twitter!

Revisiting the list

A week ago, I outlined some things I wanted to get accomplished before I take off.

10 things I need to do in the next week:

1. Get a replacement debit card. Came in the mail Saturday.
2. Find an apartment in SJ. See previous post.
3. Divide and conquer the ungodly amount of stuff I have in my apt, as far as what comes with me and what gets sold/put in storage. Still moving a few things, this is mostly done though.
4. Get on a NORMAL sleep schedule. Went to bed at 100a, woke up at 730a today. I think that counts...
5. Re-establish a routine. I'll leave this open for now, it'll likely be easier to do this once I'm down in Cali.
6. Continue the job search. I've continued, with no immediate luck. So I am continuing to continue. :P
7. Say my farewells to people. Everyone knows I'm leaving by now, and I've managed to hang out with a lot of people in the past week, with some still to see before Wednesday.
8. Get my relationship with my parents righted so that I know I am leaving with their support (this may be difficult). This relationship is not perfect, of course, but I've done enough triage on it to not feel guilty leaving with a rift between my parents and me.
9. New brakes for car. Appointment scheduled for 3/31, this counts as finished.
10. Submit CA vehicle registration before March 28th. This is done, so my car is technically registered. Whether or not I receive my tags before Wednesday is another story. I'd rather not get pulled over on April 1st for expired tags and have to explain to the police that I'm actually registered but because my moving date overlaps the potential time it takes to mail new tags to me, the expired tags still show. This is probably my own damn fault.

EDIT: I found my UO Alumni license plate frame that I received from graduating, and to my delight, it covers up the tags rather nicely. Hopefully I just don't run into any cops in bad moods now....

80%? I'm happy with that.